For Emma

Chapter 17

             I’d spent all Sunday morning slowly packing my suitcase with clothes I didn’t quite fit, books I never read, CD’s I’ve never played, and shoes I’d long forgotten about. I’d stuffed Sam’s journal at the very bottom; underneath all my clothes, then placed Annabeth’s journal right next to Sam’s. I started crying silent tears when I grabbed Sam’s and my perfume, The Most Desired Sent Since Eave Kissed Adam, I could hear Sam’s cheerful voice saying, “once for good luck,” her voice full of hope as she sprayed once—and only once. I hadn’t touched it since I first found out about the accident.

             Gran’s house was right on the border of Black Water. Her house is so big that it lies halfway in Black Water and halfway out of Black Water. It’s a large, all—white ranch house with three stories and a basement that was built right at the edge of a lake. When I first walked in I walked right into a grand piano; bruising my hip. The Piano let out a chime in response to my injury, and Granddevil let out a shreek then shook her head dismissively. I was directed to my room silently then left alone to cry, and cry, and cry.

***

              The waves of the lake behind Gran’s house slowly lap against the pebbled shore. It’s a soothing routine; they move in then move out over and over again. If only my thoughts could be as put together as the water.

              I’m hanging halfway in and halfway out of my window that looks out to the lake. The waters black and thick and in constant motion; the lake is what gave this town its name. Its black water gives it a ghostly feel.

            Spring has brought with it a constant fog that hangs over Black Water like a thick cold blanket. I refuse to drive in this fog, so Jeff drives me to school. He understands why I can’t handle it.

            Rain begins slowing falling. Covering my face with cool damp kisses that turn into tears and mix with my tears. The sky has realized the mistake it has made. It rains everyday with dark grey clouds that hang low and cry almost as much as I do. My sobs are in sync with the rumble of thunder and crackle of lightning. Every day the clouds and I cry together while the sky behind it throws a blanket of fog down to wrap us in.

            I leave my spot at the window completely soaked from the waist up and pick up Sam’s journal from my desk. I flip open the cover because maybe I’ll find peace by knowing what she really felt. Or it will destroy me even more.

1/365

Sometimes I

Like to pretend that

That I am happy.

And that tea and

Movies and

Evan and

Emma

Can make me smile for real.

But the fact that none

Of those things can

Breaks my heart the most.

***

         I can’t think. There’s nothing I can say. My sister couldn’t have been like this. She was the happiest person I knew. She lit up every room with her smile and her laugh. Evan always made her smile. They were in love right?

         Every Sunday night we’d push our twin-sized beds together and drink tea and watch movies on her lap top until midnight. She loved our Sunday movie nights, so what changed? What day is 1/365?

        What all was Sam keeping from me?