SECOND

Chapter 6

Sa sobrang pag-iyak ko ay bigla akong nanghina at napaupo sa side walk.

Hindi pa ako masyadong nakakalayo mula sa bahay nila.

Ang laman lang ng isip ko ay kung paano ko matutulungan si Seonghwan. He has been facing all of these since he was a child. Hindi ko alam ang buong katototohanan pero sa nakita at narinig ko kanina, parang naiisip ko na kung gaano kasakit ang naranasan ni Seonghwan.

Hindi ko alam ang sitwasyon niya, kung kailan nagsimula ang lahat. He is living on his own since middle school. Ewan ko kung simula doon ba o sa simula pa lang ng lahat yun na ang lugar niya sa pamilya nila.

They were just holding him because he is the one who will uphold their family's name as he is the eldest. I can't imagine na simula bata pa lang siya, wala na siya kalayaan. Simula bata pa lang siya, lagi na lang ang gusto ng mga magulang niya ang masusunod.

That's why he wants freedom. That's why he decided to go on his own, live on his own.

If we are caged, even if people are feeding us well and treating us well, mas lalong lumalakas ang gusto nating kumawala. Just like how those caged pets want to destroy their cage and get out.

Sobrang sakit din ng mga salita ng mama nila. I didn't know if she really cares for Seonghwan but I think like she is the type of person kung saan gusto niya lang ang masusunod.

Sobrang daming nangyari, and I was still shocked at Sunghoon. I really wanna meet him but not this way. I hate that I met him this way. Sa tingin ko nag-iba ang paningin ko sa kanya. I feel a slight anger towards him.

He was favored so much by their mother. I didn't know the whole story. I didn't know about his relationship with Seonghwan. I didn't know anything.

Now, naalala ko kung ano ang tanging nais ng magulang nila kay Seonghwan. He is the eldest and it is obvious that he can't marry someone who isn't Korean. It is against their culture.

I didn't ask Seonghwan about it. But I know I don't regret this. I will stay by his side no matter what happens.

If he wants to let go, then I will give it to him. If he wants freedom from me, then I will give him freedom. He is all that matters right now and I trust him and his decisions. I won't question his decisions, I will trust him fully.

Sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, kahit gaano ko pa kagustong kumapit, hindi ko masisiguro kung gusto niya pa bang kumapit. His mother said that his father won't let go of him. I can see how his father loves him and trusts him just like how I do. In that case, I'm afraid I'll lose.

Seonghwan has been so vocal with his feelings to me, and I can feel it too. He is sincere. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari kung mawala siya sa akin.

As what I am always thinking, we are still so young and life is still too long. We may end up together, we may not. At this time, we can't guarantee that everything will last that's why I am enjoying what the present brings to me.

But thinking about him leaving me hurts me. Masakit pero kung para sa ikabubuti ng lahat, tatanggapin ko. Mahirap para sa akin pero gagawin ko ang lahat para makabangon.

Pinahid ko ang luha at bahagyang natawa. Wala pa nga e, kung ano-ano na ang iniisip ko.

I can say that I am ready, pero pag nandyan na, alam kong masasaktan pa rin ako.

"Seonghwan, stay with me please."

Muli akong napayuko at napaiyak. Paano na ako nito pag hindi na siya bumalik sa akin? Paano na ako dito? Is this city going to break my heart and remind me of painful memory? Or is this city going to remind me how I survived the challenges that I faced with Seonghwan?