Healing Beneath The Moonlight

Chapter VII; Overwhelmed.

Trigger warning: mentions of self harm.

It's been awhile since me and Daichi got together and things went pretty smoothly. But for the past month we grew abit distant. If he wanted to talk it's probably going to end up to us arguing about something. The cycle is just like a normal couple. Argue about something and then making up again and again. But it's not a daily thing. It's more to a few weeks thing. But now it's kind of different. It's... something that we never did. Didn't talk to each other for a good 2 weeks. No chatting whatsoever. Hanako still talks to me but Daichi is nowhere to be found. It's currently Friday afternoon so I don't have anything to do. I went to the rooftop without Hanako and Daichi. I went there alone to get some fresh air. I didn't see anyone there and I sighed of relieve as I walked up to my usual spot. He's also been treating me differently... is he..

I sat down at the bench thinking what I did wrong to Daichi and the negative thoughts keeps on pouring. The negative thoughts got the best of me as I mindlessly went back to my room and locked my door again. I slumped on my chair as soon as I sat down. "What did I do wrong this time.. I swear.." I said as no emotion can be felt from my words. I thought of what would my younger self do at these points. Self harm. That was the first thought that came across my mind. I shook that thought away from me because it's not something worth hurting myself for. I sat there while thoughts came over me every second. I heard a knock on my door but I didn't open it. I was too tired to get up and open the damn door. I didn't know what exactly got into me but I felt something heavy on my shoulder. It was the burden from my childhood. Everyone left with the same exact excuse. "I'm busy right now. I'm sorry I can't accompany you Ryu. I promise I'll be back soon." Be back soon my ass. They never came back. They left me alone. I don't want Daichi to leave me. With that excuse. (A/N; Ryu is the type of person who cared so much about his close friends and people, so if he noticed something was off, negative thoughts came to him and keeps on pouring until he can try and calm himself down, even though he won't exactly be his usual self for a while)

A negative thought suddenly came over my mind and that crushed me. 'Daichi is too busy with his stuff to care about you.' 'He wouldn't come and visit you once he knew he's yours and decided to play with your feelings.' 'He's playing with your feelings Ryu.' I can't seem to shake those thoughts off me. And that triggers the anxiety. Anxiety and panic attack is not a good thing to be in.. I don't want to suffer from that...' I thought to myself but the panic got the best of me. I got up just to curl up to a ball on my bed. I was shaking, I was overwhelmed, my breathing was not stable and my chest feels heavy. A panic attack from my anxiety.. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I hate this.

A panic attack can cause someone to tremble, cry, or even screaming because of the pain they are in. And Ryu is the type to cry and scream because he can't handle the pain he's experiencing while being in the panic attack. He cried alot. After he stopped crying for awhile, he took a deep breathe but can't seem to be calming down. He started crying again and this time, he also screamed. Seems like the people near his room noticed him screaming and they came out of their room and knocked on Ryu's door. No response.. only crying and screaming can be heard from inside. I ignored all the knocking. I can't find a focus object near me. I tried my best to take a deep breath but it didn't work, I was hurting from the panic attack. I managed to calm myself and stood up walking towards my desk. I was standing infront of my desk. There was a cutter lying down randomly there. I don't remember taking that out or even using the cutter. I mindlessly took the cutter and took out the blade from the cutter base. Before my door was unlocked by Kunikida-san, the blade went past my wrist. I cut myself. I've done this a few times at the past. I didn't feel any pain. Maybe because I'm already in pain anyways. I didn't realized Kunikida-san was standing there after the blade went through my wrist again. I'm not aware of my surroundings since all I thought was 'this'll help me forget things. It'll end soon. I'll feel better after this'. But then I heard someone shouted. "RYU!" I heard Kunikida-san shouted my name in fear and I dropped the blade down and locked eyes with Kunikida-san for awhile before my legs went off. My legs was weak. I can't stand up. Some student noticed it because Kunikida-san forgot to close the door, one of them decided to close my door to give my privacy. "Don't. He's tired, I heard he got traumas from his childhood and.. it doesn't end well. Let me close the door." I heard that student said and some other students being concerned.