Tiqva

עֶשֶׂר

Upon returning unto their domicile everyone save Normani went inside for rack time. Normani said she needed a moment without explaining why this was necessary. However none pushed her for answers. Instead they accepted her excuse of not being ready for sleep. She claimed, 'I'm too wired from the exercise.' Amazingly none called her out though it be true this transparent excuse was weak and flimsy.

Who knows what words shall pour forth from a full heart moved unto prayer. Especially when the lips are empty. When finding herself a quiet place to be concealed Normani took a moment after saying, 'Eli, eli, lama shabaqtani.' The twofold implication of these spoken words were hidden from her. One day distant Jade would explain these words could be interpreted, 'My mighty one, my sovereign one, how thou hast magnified me.' In the same place she would explain, 'Magnify could also be replaced with esteemed or exalted without losing contextual meaning.' Again Jade would state, 'In addition to being a cry of abandonment this expression could be used for a humble cry exalting יהוה עליון.' Though it be a mystery what brought forth this particular conversation. All any would ever know is it had nought to do with words uttered this night. What we also lack is knowledge of the provocation for Normani to experience her peripeteia.

When Normani resumed it was after a moment of silent reflection and observance. Former because a course of action needed to be determined after reconciling herself unto the past. Hippocrates, 'Before you heal someone ask him if he's willing to give up the things making him sick.' It has been said, 'Speak with honesty. Think with sincerity. Act with integrity.' Katherine Henson, 'Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.' Normani might not have known these exact words despite possessing a heart level knowledge and understanding of their implication. For even an ignorant kind knows food be a necessity without knowing or understanding why this is of significant import. Latter because she knew it was imperative to give way unto the qodeshah contained within present moment. Similar how some observe a moment of silence as a tribute unto the fallen and for others to remember the fallen.

Whereupon reflection and observance the way forward became clear. Normani, 'Your servant Jacob speaks highly of you. He magnifies and exalts your name highly saying you are greatly to be praised and rightly do men praise you. He's right in saying I've spent my life as a nominal Christian whose obligation was going through the motions.

'Your servant Jade has been patient with me while I've sought to understand what she has chosen for herself. When hearing of her betrothal and learning she wasn't engaged was hard enough. Learning she chose an autistic with little prospects made me mad. Meeting David changed this. Truthfully I was jealous when he chose another girl over me. Now I see your hand like a staff guiding me a different road for a separate journey.

'O my god, rauchi waits before you. O my god, nepheshi waits before you. O my god, I have no words but hear my heart contend with you. O my god, we know I must make my peace with you. O my god, hear my cry to you. O my god, I don't know your ways. O my god, only you can calm this lamentation in the desert of nepheshi. O my god, only you can calm this lamentation in the desert of ruachi.

'If I have found favor in the sight of the king and if it please the king to grant my petition and to perform my request then I beg the minimal from you. First, do whatever must be done for all my friends and family to come to you in truth and righteousness to worship you in truth and spirit. Second, humbly do I beseech you to teach me your ways O God. How can I live a life before you not fulfilling Psalm 119? I will be happy when awaking in your righteousness. Third, deliver Dresden into my hand so we may become one flesh in body and in spirit. Fourth, do not give me lack lest I curse you. Do not give me abundance lest I forget you. Fifth, let them see you in me. Let them hear you when I speak. Let them feel you when I sing. Life, speech, and song are three gifts you have given me.'

At a latter time afore the expiration of her days Normani would testify when saying heart she was not cognisant of intent and did not recognise purpose. 'Heart was used to encompass both ruach and nephesh,' said she.

Jacob appeared where his compadre cloaked herself in shadow of night. Normani pressed to see what he heard. His reply was heard an audible noise one could construe as speech. Yet she spoke quietly enough to muffle actual words.