Drear Giovanni,
I can remember it so clearly, the beatings, the rough sex afterwards, it was like some sort of apologie for you and in the morning you're no were to be seen. I'm in that cold bed where you left me feeling so unwanted... So di...
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We can't think of anything, the name we talked about didn't suit her. " Should we do "A" names because of the boy or should it be based on the baby because I want her to feel like she's a part of the family" I asked him. He smiled and nodded, " I think that would be cute, maybe based on the baby name" he paused and continued," what gender is the baby". I paused, I wanted it to be a surprise, but what do you think it would be... Oh, how about we say what it might be at the same time" I smiled and looked up at him and counted down with my fingers. 1...2...3
"GIRL"
We said it together, and I shushed him, " I'm not that loud" he whispered, I laughed at his face, he can't even whisper. " You are loud". He rolled his eyes and poked my side " I'm not loud, my voice is ju-" the little girl was now awake and staring at us. I patted my lap and she tilted her head. "(이리와 자기) come here baby" she was nervous, I could tell but I opened my arms to her and she came to me. I smiled down at her as she melted into my embrace. " jasmine" she looked up at me and smiled." ( 그게 너의 이름이 될거야 맘에 들어)That's going to be your name baby, do you like it".
———————————————————————————————- After they chose the name they continued to watch courage. They were all happy but something was weighing on Aaliyah's mind, it was about what the therapist had stated earlier. " forgive for your own sake" How can she forgive those who hurt her? It just didn't make sense. But she wanted to try to forgive her mother, she didn't want the relationship with her mother to affect anything in her life, especially the relationship with her kids. One thing Aaliyah doesn't play about is her kid's feelings. As a child her mother never showed her love, it was hard for her. It was hard when she needed a mother to talk to, or even to voice her concerns too. Aaliyah had other siblings but they didn't like her so she stayed away from them. She had a feeling that what's going to transpire in the morning will ruin any good feelings she had tonight but it couldn't be helped, it was her mother after all.
—————— Morning —————— "You don't have to do this"
That thought lingered in My mind, I don't have to do this but I need to do this. I waited for her in the living room, Luca got in contact with her for me and arranged for her to come to Italy. One thing about my mother she was never late. She strolled in and I instantly regret meeting her.
" Aaliyah why am I here, I am very busy and don't have time for you" the voice of my mother ringed in my ears. I looked up at her, she hadn't changed.
"I forgive you" I continued. " I forgive you for not being the Mother I wanted, I forgive you for hating me... I forgive you for not loving me... I-I forgive you for the abuse, I forgive you for selling me,... I forgive- I forgive you for letting them touch me, I forgive you but I won't ever forget what you have done" a single tear fell from my cheeks. I looked down and try to remain strong, I tried to reassure myself that everything will be okay but it hurts. For the first time, I didn't hear anything from my mother, she was completely silent, she just stared at me. I placed my hand on my belly and looked up at her. "I will never be anything like you"
"Then who are you, you are your father's daughter, don't make me laugh. I did the best that I could, you think someone wanted you, wanted to care for you, you should be thanking me" she chuckled, the look in her eyes was everything I needed to know that this was a mistake. I breathed out and stared at her," I tied to be what you wanted, I tried to be the perfect daughter but you made it impossible"
" that is a lie, you were lazy and unmotivated, I had to try to fix you but you were too broken and you were disgusting, you did nothing right, you couldn't even get pregnant. I helped you, you should be thanking you" she stated. I slammed my hand on the table," you think that was a gift, you didn't do anything for me, what you put me through was agony. I lost my first child, I lost my father and you caused that".
"Me... I caused that, how The hell was that my fault, your father was weak just like you, and your child was your own doing, no one told you to swallow those pills, that's your fucking fault" she raised her voice. How can she blame me for that, she was there and did nothing to stop me, she knew what those was. She could have stopped me but she didn't. Just like she could have stopped my father from shooting himself but she didn't.
"I....I"
"YOU WHAT" She was angry and I was frozen in my seat. The atmosphere changed in an instance, it was colder and darker, I could feel the room swallow me. " I just wanted you to love me... why couldn't you just love me, I have never done anything to deserve the hatred you have for me. I tried, I really did but it wasn't enough for you, I tried mom I really did" my mouth was open but I couldn't make a sound, it wouldn't come out, so I forced it out. " I tried to be normal...I tried to make you proud... I- I" I couldn't hold it in anymore.
" I tried to not feel ashamed of myself"
———————- An I'll update again Saturday Thank you for reading Comment?
