I never asked for this

chapter 31

just a heads up this chapter might be slightly triggering but i will add disclaimers to the main section with it on so you can skip it if needed be.

*Nadia's pov*

Everything was happening too fast.

The man talking about me..my death...the memorial service..my parents it was all too much:my mind was racing,my lungs felt as if they were being crushed and all of Natasha's words were being jumbled into my thoughts.

The sound of my heart thumping invaded my ear drums it was too loud.

I put my hands over my ears to try stop it all;burying my face into my knees as well none of it was working,why wasn't it working why was none of it working!

All the noises didn't stop no matter how hard i tried covering my ears,i needed it to stop right now!

Natasha's words rung in my eardrums 'deep breathes Nadia,deep breathes'....one two three breathe in....one two three breathe out...one two three breathe in....one two three breathe out...one two three one two three one two three.

After a few minutes my breathing began to even out going from rapid shallow breathes to somewhat normal ones however the noise wasn't stopping.

*thump thump thump*

The tears were spilling over rushing down my cheeks as my panic increased.

Shakily i stood up my knees threatening to buckle again once i stood up the only thing stopped me being me grabbing onto the towel rack for support;Natasha continued to try comfort me from the other side of the door she didn't understand though.

I weakly walked over to the sink by the time i reached there i needed to hold onto the sink to allow me to stand,with one hand still on the sink i turned on both faucets.

Anything to drown out the noises!

Regaining my strength i hobbled over to the bathtub turning on the faucets for that as well "Nadia why are the faucets on?! Nadia everything is going to be okay just breathe honey breathe" Nat yelled over all the water sounds "the noises! i need them to stop!" i yelled.

"Baby what do you mean? theres no noises Nadia everything is okay;if you dont unlock the door im coming in honey!" she shouted.

*trigger warning start here (mentions of self harm)*

My panic set in "dont come in! if you do...i swear..i'll..i'll!....i'll slit my wrists!" I screamed having my eyes catch a razor that was placed on the upper left edge of the bathtub grabbing it with my hand.

If she comes in the noises will only get louder its for the best!

The water was drowning out the sounds of all the noises;Natasha doesn't understand that! she wouldn't understand that! she could never understand that!

".....please unlock the door Nadia" i hear Natasha try to plead after a moment of silence "im not bluffing! i'll slit my fucking wrists! im already dead to my family it doesn't matter if im alive now!" i threatened; "if you so much as even move the doorknob i will bleed to death in this bathtub!" i threatened again

Not taking any time to debate on what to do i tore the razor out with my bare hands cutting parts of my fingers in the process and finally the noises stopped.

Everything in my head went silent.

I looked down at the blades i held in my hands with small droplets of blood dropping down my fingers,it muffled all the noises it was almost like a white noise machine was playing in my head i could hear every individual droplet of water hitting the sink going down the drain.