Want (I'll give you all the love I want in return)

Chapter 13 - Sick and tired (But I don't wanna mess up)

Jimin follows Jungkook into the room. The anxiety rests heavy on his shoulders, because this is his chance to un-ruin things... or ruin them forever. The alpha faces away from him, but Jimin picks up the bitter scent of a broken heart. Even the back of Jungkook's head looks sad.

Pushing the words through the jungle of nervousness obstructing his mind, Jimin tries:

"J-Jungkook... I'm so sor..."

But the younger cuts him off immediately with a warning edge to his voice: "Stop. I can't do this right now."

"But..."

Jimin is confused: why did Jungkook call him if not to talk? The alpha sighs. It's the sound of wind carrying some of the sorrow and sadness that is deep as an ocean. He still doesn't look at Jimin when he says:

"Sorry, but I can't... I know we need to talk, but not now. I just want to ask you for this one favor: not now. We need to pull ourselves together tonight."

Jimin slings his arms around his middle to hug himself, because Jungkook's tone is so pleading and anxious that he needs to steady himself. The urgency in Jungkook's words puzzles him, but he still agrees easily:

"OK. But what about tonight?"

"My parents want to see us. So we need to pretend everything is fine, then you'll get the official status in the palace.... and then... then... whatever... we'll see."

His words run dry, but Jimin knows what he wants to say. Immediately, a tight web of nervousness spreads over the omega's skin upon the prospect of meeting King Jinheung and Queen Sado. Yet, he is thankful Jungkook keeps his promise, because if he threw him out into the streets right now, Jimin would be nothing but an illegal alien in an enemy kingdom. He would turn into a ghost - or worse: fair game.

However, Jimin learned to be cautious by nature: sometimes, there's more than one intention leading to a result. In the back of his mind he can't help but wonder if becoming Jungkook's concubine really only has benefits for him. Sure, as Yangje he'll have a higher status than an ordinary citizen of Silla - higher than most of the people going in and out of the palace.

But becoming a Naemyeongbu, one of the omegas of the Inner Palace, will put him at the mercy of not only Jungkook, but the entire royal family. What if Jungkook and he decided to part ways amicably, but the queen orders him to be found, dragged back and locked up for life? His life and safety will forever depend on them. But looking at his situation honestly: they can make him or break him no matter whether he's a ghost or Yangje. He swallows heavily, but the bitter taste of complete powerlessness remains.

The unpleasant aftertaste of those thoughts and the raising nervousness about facing the king and queen distract Jimin, so he mumbles absent-minded:

"Of course. But I just want you to know how sorry I am, I really didn't mean to..."

Jimin's teeth clank when he closes his mouth abruptly. He started rambling on autopilot, momentarily forgetting he agreed to have the talk another time. But Jungkook finally turning around and glaring at him with such pained anger quickly makes him remember. Not now, Jimin.

"Really. Really all you do is think about yourself."

A dangerous mix of disappointment, annoyance and provocation stain Jungkook's words. Because I have to, Jimin thinks. He physically has to bite his tongue - because if he replied what's on his mind they would start to argue. If he allows a full-fledged fight to break out, nothing in the world could make them able to appear in front of the king and queen presentably tonight.