Want (I'll give you all the love I want in return)

Chapter 14 - I am singing by myself

Last night Jimin had a meltdown. At some point, Jungkook gave up trying to say anything to defend himself. He let Jimin form all his pain and resentment and fear into little packets of rage and provided an easy target for them to shatter against. The alpha swallowed his pride and stayed still as the omega said everything he never dared to say before.

And Jungkook listened. He listened well to the accusations of hidden intentions, blatant lies, power abuse and taking advantage. It made him feel small and disgusting and tar-black evil - especially because he had to admit how blind he had been to the troubles that pained Jimin. He admired Jimin's strength, because unlike the alpha, he didn't end in an ugly mess of tears. No, the omega kept his head high and his eyes dry as the ire seeped from his very core into every word.

In the end, the omega ran out of words and they stared at each other in silence. Jimin's eyes were narrowed in the aftermath of fury. Jungkook's eyes were huge and round and unsheltered. He softly interrupted the loud silence:

"I'm sorry. Jimin-ah, I'm so sorry."

Jungkook watched the omega visibly deflate. With a tired sigh, Jimin sank to the cushions. Letting out all the anger felt cathartic, gave him wings of wrath to soar high to the sky. But then disillusion made him crash to the floor again. He buried his head in his hands and harshly pulled his hair in perplexity.

Seeing how worn out Jimin looked and knowing he himself needed to bring his thoughts and feelings in order first, Jungkook ended their night early. As gently as possible, he ushered Jimin out of his room to go to bed. But sleep didn't come to Jungkook easily: Jimin words tormented him for hours.

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The next morning, things look different in the blinding, obnoxiously clear sunshine. Jimin wearily looks at the crisp, brilliant winter colors outside his window. The world is too bright, mercilessly illuminating every dark, ugly, chaotic corner in his heart and mind. There is no way to hide anything.

Last night, the omega didn't hold anything back. He laid all his ugly anger out, accusing and hurting Jungkook. Seeing the shards left behind in broad daylight is too sobering. Objectively looking at how his life was ruined by others - but also how he is ruining it himself - is painful. Feeling like he also lost Taeyoung as an ally who understands him is lonely.

Hoseok rips him from his dark musings when he carefully phrases his question:

"Jungkook is here?"

Jimin nods and takes a deep breath to brace himself.

The alpha walks into his room looking like he hardly slept at all, face gaunt and ashen. But before Jimin can dwell on remorse, he places two small objects in Jimin's hands.

"Here. It's official now. Just came back from the palace registrar."

Jimin contemplates the seal with his name surrounded by the petals symbolizing Silla and the small wooden plaque that identifies him as Yangjie of the Naemyeongbu. It feels surreal that two simple wooden objects determine a life.

"Thank you." his voice is small and unsteady.

With a tired sigh, Jungkook sits down at the table and pats the cushion across him, signaling Jimin to come closer. They eye each other curiously, cautiously, like cats meeting for the first time. Only the table separates them, but it feels like the vastness of an entire ocean. The rift that opened in the last two days is deep. It will not be easy to build a bridge, but Jimin wants to try.

It's a new day and a new chance: the sun shines bright on their disenchantment. But their soberness and level headedness are an opportunity to finally start to understand each other.