Anguished

1.

The sun had gone down, and the bright lights in the sky were twinkling. Just when the moonlight hit my piano, I flipped the last page of the book.

My room was filled with bright colors and the creams curtains in my room were open. The walls were painted in amethyst color , besides the piano I had my music speaker and above it was my clock. After reading the last page of the book, I got up from the bed, wore my bedroom slippers, and stood up to put the book on the bookshelf.

I could see my fish swimming happily with starlight falling on them. I then put on some music on the cassette player and sat on the mat filled with red hearts between my piano and my vase circular table staring at 00:00 of my alarm clock.

About a year ago, he told me 'You know how the time, earth, and we are running without learning to take a break. We think the earth never gets tired of rotating and the time doesn't know how to stop. Don't you think at 00:00, when the hour, minute, and seconds hand meet each other, the world breathes for a second? I think it does. I think it teaches us to take a rest when we at tired.' I smiled and cried remembering his voice and how deeply he had explained it to me.

'Dinner is ready. Be in the dining in 5 minutes,' my brother shouted from the living room.

It was about to be 6:15. Before going for dinner, I messaged my friend,' Hey, I read the book. It's depressing.'

What she replied penetrated right into my heart overwhelming me and encouraging me to learn more than to run away. " Stories about women are always nerve-wracking but need to be read! "

I turned off the background music on playing my cassette ...' Louder than the bombs I break' and went downstairs. Though I had turned off the music, it was still echoing inside me.

I sat down at the dining table and waited for my parents to join. I was disturbed by the things mentioned in the book and I thought maybe after my parents talk about something new, I will get distracted. While waiting for them and the food, I put my head on the table closed my eyes for a while.

(********)

I was all covered. I could feel the warm sun rays hitting me but everything I saw was black. I lifted the cloth on my face and I could see many people wearing the same cloth-like me. Suddenly, I felt something strong hit me. I turned back, and I saw a tall, muscular, beard guy, in anger trying to lash me again with the rope he had been holding in his fist.

'Cover your face', he shouted, and unknowing without any questions I pulled the cloth down to cover my face, just to see everything dark again.

It was a different place. There were no food stalls on the street, no cars, no school children riding their bicycles, no posters outside any shops, it was a different world. But somehow I knew the routes. I thought it was a dream.

I saw I was accompanied by a small boy, my brother and I wondered what he was doing here with me.

I went home to see everything changed. We didn't have a house. We were living as squatters. My mom who adored wearing her sleeveless crop top was covered in all black like me and my father who never liked growing a beard or a mustache looked like he never shaved.

My piano wasn't there, my music player wasn't there, my cassette wasn't there and my fish, my plants, my alarm clock, my hourglass and most importantly all my books were gone.

I remembered him. He was telling me 'I should be the one to love myself' but today even he wasn't there. Not even a trace of him. All writings, words, and pictures I had of him were all vanished. I tried to calm reminding myself I was his earth and I can't be with him but he is up there as a moon giving me all possibility of hope. His voices would forever be with me.

But what I couldn't digest were with my books all gone. It was my escape. It would bring places I had never visited and made me travel in time. For a lonely Whale like me, it was my company and today it was all gone.

'Mom'

'Yes', she replied in a soft tone beneath the cloth covering her face.

'Where are my books?'

'You don't have any books.'

I was surprised. But I saw my brother holding a pencil and scribbling something.

I asked again pointing at my brother,' Mom he has. Why don't I?'

'Because you are a girl. You don't go to school, why do you need a book?'

'I don't go to school???'

'What's wrong with you. You were taken out of school 11 years ago, don't you remember anything.'

I was taken back. 'No mama..why??'

'They don't want you to go to school, any way you are lucky to have your husband dead.', I interrupted her.

'I am only 20 mom. I am married?'

'4 years ago.'

'I would have been only 16 mom.'

'I had you when I was 15.' I interrupted her, 'No mom you were 30.'

'Stop talking nonsense. Be grateful we helped you escaped from your in-laws. Remember your close friend, she already has 3 sons. The other one is dead. Now go and wash up.'

I stood there frozen and shaken. My body was trembling and I could feel the fear rushing down my spine and my blood boiling. I was frightened and angry as well.

(******)

'Hey, did you not sleep last night,' someone spatted lightly on my back.

I was shaken. I turned around to see my mother on her favorite crop top and smiling broadly making her dimples prominent.

'No..., I am fine.'

'If you guys don't sleep at night, I am never giving you my Netflix Password.' she said to my brother and me.

My brother simply ignored her words. 'I was reading a book mom', I said.

'Okay, then... Ahh... I think I might fall asleep waiting for the food.' she said.

'Honey, your children are hungry.'

(*****)

(Next part- 2.)

(*****)

[A Thousand Splendid Suns- Khaled Hosseini]