Christianity Unraveled

October 29th, 2019

I don't particularly like Paul.

I used to be a huge fan of him and his writings, but as I keep going along, I realize that I don't agree with most of what he says. And perhaps this is why: I want to desperately believe in the fallacy of the Bible – that the Bible was written by mere man who were trying their best to represent God in the way they could. And since they were but human, they could have made mistakes. And if I believe this, then I feel as though I can extend more grace to Paul and, well more honestly, to God himself.

And yet, even amidst this disliking, there are places where the words that were written speak to my inner self and revive my thinking.

My grace is sufficient for you.

Sufficient. Arkeo. To suffice.

Who am I? My thoughts. My beliefs. My hopes, my dreams, my sins, my good parts, everything. What is grace? Perhaps the real question is who is grace. Jesus. The gift of God to humanity. Charis. Free gift.

Despite if you take it or not, it is still yours since it has already been given. The free gift. Jesus Christ.

My grace is sufficient for you.

God's grace is sufficient for my doubts. His gift is sufficient for my hopes. Jesus is sufficient for my unbelief.

And maybe now that that is stated, it can be inverted as well.

Not only is God's grace sufficient for me, who I am, but I am also sufficient for his grace. I am also sufficient for his grace. No matter what, the gift has already been given. I want to change that narrative. Each Christian I have talked to who uses the words of gift always says that a gift is simply that – something that is offered. And we must accept that free gift called grace, called Jesus. It is extended, but not ours unless we grab hold of it.

But perhaps we were wrong.

Perhaps when you give a gift to someone, it is theirs from the time you started planning it, from the time you spent the resources on it, from the time you presented it to them. Perhaps a gift isn't given at the end, but during the entire thing, from beginning to end. Perhaps a gift is someone's still, no matter if they have accepted it or not. And perhaps this is true with God and his grace.

My grace is sufficient for you.

What does this mean? What does it mean to have sufficient grace? I know that Paul meant that the grace was sufficient for him to endure hardship, but perhaps there is more to it than this. Perhaps the unconditional love that seems so conditional upon us is only a fabrication of what we have been brought up to believe, that we must choose, that God grace isn't sufficient for us in our unbelief. That it is only sufficient when it adheres to the conditions we have placed.

Perhaps when God told Paul that his grace was sufficient for him, he meant that no matter what, through whatever doubts, turmoils, thoughts, joys, – because these are all part of who we are – the grace of God is sufficient, is enough, for us. No matter what.

My grace is sufficient for you.

Now this is what I consider radical grace. I don't see radical grace in offering people a choice to enter in his love when this same "free will" offered is limited only to those who have heard of his gift. That isn't radical grace, that isn't what we think of as free will, that isn't even what we would consider justice. This view of charis limits God to only offering it to those who have heard of Jesus and refusing it to those who haven't. When we confine God to this box of our understanding of humanity, radical grace is transformed into limited grace. Unconditional love is transformed into legalistic love.

Who am I? I am, as Descartes would put it, a thinking thing. And this thinking thing has many thoughts, many questions, many beliefs, many unbeliefs.

Perhaps when God said that his grace is sufficient for Paul, he wasn't saying that no matter what hardships he endures, he just needs to rely on Christ more because that reliance on Christ is the only thing that is sufficient for depression, for anxiety, for torture, for abuse, for enduring any injustice. No, I cannot believe that is what he meant by that. Perhaps, when God said that his grace is sufficient for Paul, he meant that no matter what he was feeling and experiencing, God's grace was there in the middle of it all, and it would constantly make him worthy of being loved. No matter what.

Who you are is enough for my grace.

My grace is enough to redeem who you are, constantly and incessantly.

You are sufficient for my grace.

And my grace is sufficient for you.