female idol ᵏⁿʲ

but

the dark night is painted in blacks and lights of the city
swallowing the car whole
leaving a muffled silence

i sit besides namjoon
the driver put up a fight, wanting to follow the company's strict rules
but mr kim wasn't having it

'i don't care about a fucking scandal," is what he said
determination engraved in his features

i like it
like how he's not any different from the RM the media knows
he neither puts on a show nor an act
and it is refreshing, really
because i have been disappointed by some idols' ambiguity before.

"i'm sorry," he raises his vanilla voice

"i got so caught up in the moment, i didn't even ask what your name is."

i return his once again apologetic smile

"lee yaeri"

he nods
repeats my name in a quiet mumble
and showcases his dimples
so i can look at them

and it feels like summer
like daytime
in november
at night

as i exit the car,
he reaches for my hand and holds it
just for a moment
but i revel in it

"you can call me anytime and i'll be glad to help you, but,"

he pauses and i ask 'but?',
chuckling a little at the way he gnaws at his lower lip, thinking

"but you are strong, lee yaeri and i know you will make it through, on your own"

i nod
because i am strong
and i don't need a man to call for help
but i feel like i need him
so i let him know

"i'll call you anyway. just for fun?"

"that's fine by me" he says
and let's go of my hand
the warmth leaving with his touch.

the car is swallowed by the night again
leaving me behind
my mind somewhat calmed
because of his previous presence

but i enter the building
and i go up the stairs
open the door
and it is only now that i break down, slide down the concrete
fall to my knees
my jumbled thoughts returning, making me scream to the heavens
and thank god

for i have not been shattered
but my pieces have been put back together.