Say You Love Me Again - Choni

Chapter 4

I heard Toni speak into the mic but I couldn't look at her, I heard her spew some shit about thanking everyone for support. She reeled off a list of names from her team, then mentioned her fans her mom and dad and sister for undying support and to hold on the album was coming.

I didn't get a mention. Why would I?

It's not like I didn't listen to the ranting calls at all hours of the night while she was part of Josie and the Pussycats telling me how much she wasn't happy and my words of encouragement.

It wasn't like I sat with her for days on end teaching her guitar.

It wasn't like I would listened and encouraged her to spend time in the studio working on her own music. It wasn't like I took emergency leave to fly 10 hours to be in LA when she filmed Sleep when I'm Dead because she was so anxious about doing a video on her own then flew back out to be putting on night watch duty by my superiors because they were pissed about me taking the leave. I never told her about the repercussions. I didn't want her to ever feel bad. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to make that commitment. I was always going to make that commitment for her.

That's why probably her acceptance speech hurt more than ever given that she had blanked me before receiving it and then continued to act like I don't exist.
I reached forward for the bottle of wine while she was still talking and just zoned out in my own thoughts. I was brought back to reality when I briefly looked up and saw her giving Shawn a hug and she kissed him on the cheek.

I know I am being petty but I hadn't even got that lucky since I got here. I'm being petty but I don't care I am genuinely hurt.

I think my face betrayed me as I suddenly felt my arm being rubbed and I looked to my left and it was Jade with a tight smile.

"I'm sorry Cheryl but that was fucking cold" Jesy says with annoyance in her voice.

"Okay Jess no need to say it" Perrie hisses towards her.

"Really Pezz that was heartbreaking" Jesy continues and points her glass holding her wine towards the stage as Toni is leaving.

"Yeah that was really shit" Leigh-anne confirms.

I just shrug shoulders "she's quite quiet about her private life, so guess she's just trying to protect that" I tried to explain away.

"Nah I'm sorry hun there's no excuse. It's not my business but she doesn't deserve you" Jade says still rubbing my arm.

"It's cool ladies" I try to convince and give them a small smile. I sip my wine.

"No it's not, bin her off you are coming to after party with us! No arguments" Leigh-anne points at me.

"Oh my god! Yes! I want to see if you can bench press me" Jesy says with a weird curiosity.

I laugh through my pain and accept that I just made four friends for the night. I need this.

"Okay, fine deal"

"Woo" Jade shouts then flags down a bartender."5 Jagerbombs please thank you"
The guy just nods and walks away.

Within a matter of minutes he comes back with a tray of drinks and there's still no sign of Toni, I didn't bother looking for her either.

Jesy leans forward and hands the drinks out and places one before me with a wink. "Okay everyone got one?" Jesy checks looking around. "On the count of three I want you all to say "Cheryl is sexy" Jesy says laughing.