𝘼𝙁𝙁𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 | 𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔 𝗥𝗢𝗗𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗢

𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉 | 𝙞 𝙜𝙡𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪

WARNING!
this chapter deals
with some descriptions
of rape and brief mention
of self harm. please be safe!

"What did you want to talk about today?" The therapist asked comfortingly. Her red lips curled into a smile and her outfit was so well put together, the type of put together that filled Lia with jealousy, earning to be that type of person. Her office smelt of cinnamon and honey, tapestries hung on the white walls as well as other distractions for the patients.

"Would it be okay to talk about my rape?" Lia moved uncomfortably in her seat, her teeth tugging on her inner cheeks as the situation played in her head, "I didn't realize what it was at the time until Liv told me."

Her therapist gave her a hum of approval, the story finally unraveling at once.

"I still feel the touch of her on my skin." Lia laughed awkwardly, the haunting feeling cling to her body as her breathing began to pick up, "At first it was consensual. I thought I liked it and but it was the only time she gave me her love and affection." A sigh fell from her, clearly distressed as she pulled her black hoodie sleeves down.

"She would beg for it constantly, going to my friends to tell them to get me to do it. Every moan was forced, I felt ruin and used in the moment but it was the only way she would love me." Tears began to fall from her face, the salt taste filling her taste buds as she continued her story, "I looked into the mirror afterwards, just staring at my naked body regretting it all. Showers were the worst for me. Having to see my body that she had ruined, I-"

Her therapist didn't move, not wanting to touch her after she had stated how much touch was triggering to her. Careful to address the situation, "Can you take a deep breathe for me?"

The blonde nodded, her lungs expanding as her breathe began to become sturdy again.

"I never felt validated for reasons other than my body. Even though she was my girlfriend she felt like all the others to me. We were constantly fighting and the only way she would acknowledge me was through my body. I'd catch her staring at me, taking photos of my body." Her tears had stopped falling, her body numb to the pain as her eyes were the only place that showed her true pain, "I would be sobbing to her about my assault and all she would care about in that moment was what she could get from me. I regret every moment of it, the first time was the only time I was okay with it. The rest was so forced. All the nudes, all the photos, they were unwillingly unsent. She would bother me, tell me to just give it, to just do it."

"And how did this make you feel?"

"I felt worthless. Especially after the relationship. She cheated on me and I could only ask her for sex as a way to rekindle our love. I knew the only way to get her back was through my body, even if i didn't want to give it up. I wasn't okay to see my body for months, it still effects me now and how I handle my relationships. I'm so lost at what to do." Her breath had hitched, her anxiety rising as the topic than began to shift to Olivia, "I'm so worried she's going to mess up what Liv and I have. That i'll talk about her too much to the point Olivia thinks I still have love for her."

"I don't think Olivia sees it that way. From everything you told me about her, she cares so deeply for you and understands what you've been through. She wants to give you an outlet other than me and make sure you know she's there to listen and give you the love she needs." The therapist spoke, the blonde calming down in her spot on the couch. The words hanging over her as they fought her fears from her mind.

"As for your body, It wasn't your fault. I've had several clients with similar story's that often blame yourself. You didn't know what it was at the time, you saw it as a form of love, that if you gave her something she would treat you better." She had explained, Lia nodding as she understood, "I find that many people who have been raped feel like they need to reclaim their body as their own by helping people willingly, especially those who have suffered with self harm life you. They often give blood to those in need as it not only shows you have ownership and gives blood that isn't wasted from a blade."