My Alpha

For Mother

My eyes open abruptly and immediately scan over my surroundings. I've been in this house for many moons and still, I wake up lost, confused, and mainly scared. Sleep fought hard to take me last night, but my brain just wouldn't turn off. So many things to process in the span of 24 hours. We kissed. My male and I had some sort of moment between the two of us. That was of course until my beast and I ruined it. I still cannot believe how close I was to forcefully marking him as mine, an act so intimate and sacred. Shame sinks into the pit of my stomach. We both have a choice when it comes to this bond, and I nearly stole his.

My body turns to face the wall. I'm not sure how I will ever show my face around the alpha again, yet alone complete this mission. I'm no longer the best candidate, I haven't been since the moment I discovered my enemy was the missing piece of my soul. Noah. Oh god. What would Noah think about all of this; I can only imagine he would hate me now. I will no longer be his ally, I will be his traitor. My mind reels. I'm no longer sure what to do; support my pack or support my mate. A mate who does not want me and may kill me at any moment, or a pack that has all but left me for dead in this alien territory. I would have known if Noah had sent a scout to check on my well being. He hasn't, and even though I know how dangerous it would be to do so, I still can't help but feel like it's because they do not care if I'm alive or dead.

I've lived most of my life with no one to care for me. My father couldn't. Noah did once, but he never will again. My own mate, the soul destined to mine, cares little for me. He stitched up my flesh wounds and then carved his own damage into my heart.

I'm trapped in my thoughts until I notice the time. It's 7am.

I'm officially late. Oh so very late.

I shoot up from my bed and race to put on my tarnished clothing from the night before. I waste little time on my appearance before all but sprinting out of my room and down the stairs.

The alpha waits for me in the kitchen. No words need to be exchanged, it's meal time and his plate is barren. Punishment is justified, although I'm not sure what it will be. Maybe I won't be allowed to eat anymore. It wouldn't be the first time I've been forced to be without food.

" You're late." He all but mumbles under his breath.

I choose to skip apologizing and instead jump straight into my task; breakfast.

I'm nearly finished when I feel the heat of his body on my back. His hand connects with my spine before roughly turning me to face him. I search for his eyes, trying to gauge his intentions, but he refuses to give them to me. Instead, he's once again gazing over my body, searching for answers to unasked questions. His nails elongate and tear through what little material remains of my pants. A large chunk of cloth pools at my foot. Greys find my completely healed thigh. He hums his approval over the state of my wound before tracing his claw over the stitches he sewed. A metallic smell fills the air. My blood drips down my leg and onto the floor. He's reopened my wound. My face is emotionless as I look past him. Last night was a fever dream; my male is feeling more like himself today.

Blood drips between us. This is my fate. I will never love. Never receive it. I must only bleed, but if I bleed he shall bleed with me.

The alphas eyes finally raise to meet mine, but I refuse to look at him. Instead I go back to my task, turning to give him the back of my head. He exhales loudly. I guess he expected a different reaction from me. Seemingly bored with this interaction, he makes his way back to the table.