Poems I wish I could send you

I hit my head

I hit my head pretty hard the other day

Nearly blacked out

Genuinely thought I was going to die because I could see my body on the floor shaking without feeling a thing

And when I got up thankful that I didn't die

I didn't text you

Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't want the reason you came back to be just because I was hurt

I didn't want you to come back because you felt you had to or because if I was going to make up stories that extreme maybe you should just text me

I didn't text you but I wanted to

Wanted to so bad because I was so scared and even though my whole life I wanted to die I finally realised I didn't mean it

I wanted you to know I no longer meant it

I wanted to text you because it was the worst experience of my life and I wanted you to comfort me because nothing quite does like you

You still don't know and when we start talking again you're going to be mad I didn't text you the second it happened

I used to think what if I died right now there would be so many things left unsaid

But as I laid there unable to move my whole body next to this park bench my mind barley working 

I didn't think of any of the unsaid things or regrets just how I would give anything to be alright right now

You were the first thing I wanted to live for and now with you gone I still wanted to live

I smoked after that 

Oh how disappointed you would be

I finished school early and now I sit here and do nothing most days but wishing you were around to talk to 

I hit my head and everything is worse now and I wish I could tell you 

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the only reason you came back is because im hurt

At least you came back right 

Im not sure but maybe you'd find comfort in knowing I no longer want to die