August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 68- kerchow

Warnings ⚠: Child Abuse, Rape, Violence, Religion, Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Use of Slurs, Homophobia, Bullying, Mention of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Actions, Gun Use 

Josiah's P.O.V.

-Tuesday, November 16th-

As expected, it's like last night didn't even happen.

I wonder if he just forgot about all of it, because he doesn't bring anything up all morning. Either that or he doesn't care.

I'm not sure.

Alcohol seems to make people magically be able to forget shit they say and do around the time of consumption.

Well.

It doesn't matter anymore anyway.

Because neither of us will bring any of it up in fear of starting something again. Because he doesn't want to fight.

I don't see a point in trying to make him different. He won't change.

He picks and chooses what's okay for him to do when it comes to things I don't like. And he's already got it all figured out.

If I could get rid of any two things in this world, it would be suicide and alcohol. But, of course, those are the two things Damien is okay with. Anything goes if he can continue doing what he thinks helps even though it all just damages him more.

His coping mechanisms are so fucked up.

...Not that I have it more figured out than he does. After all, I just hide and zone out or hurt myself until fear goes away.

The point is, the solution to stress isn't hurting yourself.

Coming from me, that probably doesn't mean shit. But at least I acknowledge it.

He doesn't.

He comes back here after being out drinking for hours, and claims he isn't drunk. That it doesn't affect him. That he wouldn't do bad things because he's still himself when he's like this.

Or whatever.

Then he pretends not to realize all the things that are so scary about this.

I don't take things too seriously.

For most things, I don't care enough to try to change it.

Except for suicide and alcohol.

Those aren't okay. They're serious and need to be taken more seriously than they already are.

Those, and sex.

All things Damien won't ever understand.

I'm not mad at him. I'm not capable of it. I just realized that we disagree a lot on what's okay to say and do.

I like walking to school.

It's not as dangerous as he makes it out to be. It's been ten years and I'm still alive, after all.

I'm not worried about the other people at school. Much less Ethan and Hunter. Even more much less Logan.

But Damien worries about all that shit.

And I just have to let him worry, because telling him things always leads to him trying to fight someone.

Which is yet another thing that is not okay.