August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 35-d e p r e s s i o n

Warnings ⚠: Child Abuse, Rape, Violence, Religion, Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Use of Slurs, Homophobia, Bullying, Mention of Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Actions, Gun Use

Damien's P.O.V.

-Wednesday, October 20th-

Last night was intolerable.

Some nights, I can drink until I pass out. That way I'm forced to get some sleep, but others...

I sat on my roof and watched the sun rise, my bottle long past empty.

As long as I take a brisk shower and have a cup of really strong coffee, I'll be fine.

But I panicked all night long, and I'm still shaking.

After my quick shower, I brush my teeth and slip on a black hoodie and ripped jeans.

It's chilly out.

I go ahead and put on a beanie, too, before I go downstairs and make some really strong coffee.

I make Josiah lunch, not that he'll take it.

But at least I can try...

He won't even eat when he's here.

I'm really really worried about him.

I just need a break from everything.

School, and my parents, and even all of this stuff with Josiah...

I just have to make it to graduation...then it can be just us.

I take my coffee and me and Josiah's lunches with me, texting him as I leave my driveway.

The car's warmed up by the time I get to his house.

I send him a text telling him I'm here.

He comes out in just his sweater and jeans.

I wonder if he has a coat...?

I need to get him one...

I'll add it to my ever growing mental list...

As he gets in the car, I say, "Idea. Let's just drive until we run out of gas and then hitch a ride until we hit the border. And keep going until we're happy."

Yeah fucking right...happy. As if graduation will change that...

"Thought we had to wait for graduation." He replies.

"We do. But I can't do school today."

"It'll be okay. We can hold hands."

Shit...

"Are you sure? As soon as we do, everyone will know about us."

Am I ready to come out like that...?

What even am I?

I'm not gay. I like girls.

But I like Josiah...

I don't know...

But, if that's true... I'm burning forever.

My chest constricts and I have to take a deep breath. My hands shake even more.

"Why would that matter? No one cares. Do you realize what year it is?"

"I know. I..." I stop. "I'm sorry. I don't..." I have to stop and breathe a second.