Ya know, I started writing this some years ago I'm thinking as an outlet to let go while also leaving a trail for my adult self to find. I honestly really appreciate it, leaving little bookmarks and dog eared pages throughout my life like loveletters to my future self. I started this journal as an outlet more than anything. I really thought that if I just reguralary wrote in a journal for complete strangers to read and validate my life that it would somehow make everything just a little better. I'm honestly not mad, I started college about a month ago and everything is really stressful with homework and covid and future uncertainty but I guess I'm doing alright. I've made some friends and I'm doing all the things that younger me thought were the pinnacle of adult life (like being able to drive to Taco Bell). It's really wild to me that I've graduated highschool. I am 19 years old now and I'm very quickly realizing that most things in life are made of plastic and that money can't buy real joy, just a hollow short lived impressionist idea of it. I'm constantly conflicted about expressing how I actually feel to people because I feel like most people are very temporary and if I act the wrong way or say the wrong things then I'm going to push them away faster and in the end I will just end up being alone. I really need at therapist but I'm too afraid that if I go that people will judge me or think that I'm less than just because I need someone to talk to. This is all sounding extremely sappy and stupid as hell but I'm really just hoping that when I find this again in three or four years that I'll have a better idea of who I am and what I'm doing. Does the worrying ever get any easier? I feel like it's all I ever do these days. Worry about money, family, others, myself, school, corona, the future. I feel like the way I've spent my money has been such a fucking mistake and now I need to go get a job because I'm not going to be able to afford to live much longer.
Things are going to get better
Sincerely,
Past me
YOU ARE READING
The Diary Of A Middle School Nothing (Under Revisions)
No Ficción(I'm not a middle schooler anymore lol) If you've ever wanted to snoop in someone's diary but was too decent a person to go though with it, I've got you. ( 2016 me::: so...yea this is a story about me and my weird self i don't really belive anyone...
