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Chapter 15

Halfway through my burger, my stomach was left hurting. I was so full, my stomach ached. And the fries were left untouched. In the end I just sipped on my my tea and watched the sun finish rising in my uncomfortable little mustang.

By the time I was home stuffing my left overs in the fridge, it was 7 am. And I realized that I needed to go to school. The sunlight was frail as it began to pour in through the windows. And you could see that it was early morning. I walked back into my room, needing my phone I had left to charge. As I picked it up, it started to vibrate in my hands. The same number from earlier. Aggravated, I answered it. "Hello?"

"Ashley.. goddamn it's lovely to hear your voice", he said. Caleb. I recognized his sleepy voice. But behind is fake sounding delight, he sounded weary. I could hear that much even though he only said a hand full of words. I said the only thing that popped into my head. "I fucking hate you Caleb. You have been worrying me SICK. Do you get that?", I said into the phone. I sat down on my bed, to tired to stand. I was exhausted emotionally. "I know baby. But listen to me. I'm on my way to your house right now. Don't worry about anything. And don't go to school. We have to talk
about some shit", he said before the receiver hung up. I stared back at my phone, not sure of what really just happened. I hadn't heard from Caleb in 5 days, since last Thursday. And now he calls from some random number..
I felt a headache gradually seep into my brain. It settled there like sand in a glass of water. What was he doing?

My headache made itself aware, digging into my temples. I was realizing that it wasn't going to go away. So I sat in my dimly lit room, looking for roaches to smoke for my headache. I found four, broke them down, and stuffed them in my store bought pipe that lay on my dresser. I didn't want my head to hurt when Caleb came. I couldn't be distracted. I lay there waiting for him, even though I knew he'd be awhile. Despite me not even knowing where he was.

As I smoked, my skin began to itch. I scratched at my calves. They burned but I kept itching. "What the fuck", I whispered. I set the pipe down and tore at my skin. I felt little sensations in my skin, little prickles. And they itched so badly. I dug my nails into my skin, hoping for the itching to pass.

Red lines crossed my legs like a road map and they stung because I had broken the skin in a couple places.

I was wondering why Caleb had called from a strange number. What was up with his cell phone? Everything about the situation just irritated me more. Hurry Caleb. I was hoping that just as soon as I saw his face, the world would make sense. To just see him smile and I could think clearly.
In the other room, I could hear my mother talking to Josh on the phone. She sounded relatively happy as she teetered about, walking from the kitchen to her room. Her voice radiated in the quiet house. I could hear almost every breath between a hushed I love you. And I felt my stomach drop a little bit as I realized she hasn't talked to me since that day. She hasn't came into my room at all. Its like she had forgotten I existed. But that was okay. I have never needed her.

On the way out of the house, late for work, she noisily clacked down the wooden floors and made her way down the hall. I could tell that she was wearing heels and I could have probably guessed which ones. She only wore heels when she was going on. And she never not once bothered to even look at me. I sighed. Waiting for Caleb was taking a long time. He isn't your neighbor anymore, I reminded myself.
My eyes felt heavy and the heeadache pressed into the back of my eyes. It hurt..
I closed my eyes and an image flickered in front of me. Smoke swirling in the pipe. The smell of those prescription pills burning. Calebs bottomless blue eyes. I thought about what he had said that night. When he had finally told me about himself. 'Your the only one he's trusted since he was young', his dad once told me. I was seeing that now. I threw my hunger for methamphetamine away and instead imagined Caleb. How I would react when I see his face. I imagined myself opening the door, feeling his embrace. I could feel the warmth on my skin, as if he really was here. Or maybe it was just the sun, weakly shining through my bedroom drapes. But the sun couldn't comfort me, not now. After all how could it calm me when it was burning just as bad?

Then I heard a knock on the door.
My heart stopped right there. And I stood on shaky legs. Half running to the living room, I couldn't settle the butterflies in my stomach. When I opened the door, I squinted into the morning sunlight and found the two eyes I had been dreaming about. His blue eyes looked like the ocean floor. And his smile was weak, but very present. I barely had the door open and I was in his arms. He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my arms around his neck, lacing my fingers in his hair and burrying my face in his neck. Caleb smelled like cigarettes and alcohol. And it comforted me. Because it was him. Just the smell of his skin comforted me when even the biggest star in my universe couldn't. "Ashley. I missed you but I have to talk to you. It's..important", he said as he sat me down. His face was cocked to the side. Like he was debating on something. I pursed my lips and leaned in to kiss him. I missed him to much to let him get away with that. His soft lips lingered on mine for a second longer than I intended them to. The butterflies clawed at my stomach, daring to he let free. "Cmon", he said. I followed him to my room and unrealized I hadn't said anything to him. I watched him sit on my bed and by the way his back was hunched over, I knew he was about to tell me something ridiculously upsetting. Standing next to him, I leaned down and hugged him. "So..hey", I told him. Even though I knew good and well that this wouldn't be small talk. He looked at me with those endless eyes. They were much different from Ryan's simple eyes. Caleb has witnessed more pain than I could begin to imagine. He smiled at me, weakly. And opened his mouth to talk. "Ashley. I..My dad and I got into a fight that Thursday night. And he kicked me out. Which wasn't a big deal for me. I hitch hiked and two men picked me up. They worked for the dealers that I knew a couple years back. And said they were needing me to work for them again. Except now that I'm older, they were willing to pay me more. Which I took the offer.. I only needed a way to make money'', he said. I looked at him. I had been fearing so much worse. Like he was going to leave me or ask me to do some crazy shit.. "I thought your dad said you ran away,'' I pointed out, confused. Caleb laughed a cold, heartless laugh. "Is that what that piece of shit told you? No. He kicked me out of the house because I was 'addicted to weed'. Which makes no goddamn sense. If only he knew," he said. I remembered his father walking in that same morning. And I couldn't help but feel guilty.
I searched Caleb's face in hopes of something more. Anything. "Ashley, they're looking for me".

But that wasn't what I was hoping he would say..