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Chapter 11

I coudn't feel the skin of my lips. It was as if my flesh had been replaced with air. I licked them again, as I did every 5 seconds, to assure myself they were there. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth. And I wasn't sure, but I could swear there was a man that walked into the kitchen. I stretched my legs on the couch, trying to get comfortable. I attempted a nap but I just couldn't sleeep. My eyes were glued open, my mind racing and a burning sensation that never leaves my insides. I was going on my fourth day up.

I ran my hands over my face, trying to make sense of the world. Caleb hasn't said not a word. Thought it's only been two days, I missed him entirely. My arms sagged to my side's as I relaxed, though I was never relaxed enough to fall asleep. Sleep was now another universe. I'd never have it again..

It was to far away from my grasp to even be considered reality anymore.

The bruises accenting my mother's pale complexion only grew worse. They had multiplied over the course of a day or two. Thought she insists its fine. Every night, she ran back into his "loving" arms.

I licked my lips.

I wondered about her. And I haven't really done that since I was younger. Twelve maybe. We usually stay apart but seeing her like that...

I licked my lips.

I closed my eyes, shutting them tightly. Maybe if I just shut my eyes, it'll go away. Maybe..

I played with the edges of the blanket wrapped tightly around me. I shivered, though it was barely noticible.

I licked my lips.

My mouth was dry. And I needed water but my legs refused to move.

I licked my lips.

My mouth was cotton right about now. I pushed my tongue along my lips and there was no saliva. I groaned, realizing I'd have to move after all.

I licked my lips.

The floor was cold on my bare feet. And I didn't really understand why I was freezing on a nice Saturday like this. It was warm for Autumn. But for some reason even the slightest chill sent tremors through my skin. As if I was made completely out of electricity. My legs shook, racked with the cold. And I hugged my blanket tighter to my little body. I opened the fridge to reveal food and several cans of soda pop. Ignoring the food (as I have done for four days), I grabbed a root beer from the back of the refrigerator.

I licked my lips.

The cold , sugary, drink refreshed my whole being. My mouth wasn't dry anymore, but I was still freezing.

I heard noises from my mother's room although I had thought she was at work..

I set the drink on the counter carefully, preserving the rest for when I came back. You are about to be destroyed, I thought to the drink, laughing quietly at myself.

I followed the hall,passing my room, to stand in front of my mom's doorways. I listened closer. The noises from a moment ago started up again. Ew I hope they aren't having sex...

But my mothers cry pleading for help in the next seconds proved otherwise. Oh god...I hope they're having sex..

I placed my hand on the door knob, promptly trying to open it to see what was happening. The same time I turned the knob, something was thrown or pushed into the door. I didn't take any more time.

I forced the door open, only to find my mother a crying heap against it. "Mom! What's going on?", I shouted, quickly bending down to get a better look at her bleeding ear. I dared not ask if she was okay because it was obvious she was anything but.

I turned to the man, my mom's new boyfriend. I couldn't even remember his damned name but that didn't bother. The image of my mother falling apart sparked a wildfire inside of me. The man was breathing hard, not yet bothered by my presence.

"Hey. Look here you fucking cunt. Lay one more hand on my mother and I swear I'll put you in your fucking grave asshole," I said the words through clenched teeth, adrenaline pouring through my veins. He turned to me now and laughed. "Your a fucking child. Shut up and leave us you bitch", he forced back. It wasn't the words he said. But it was that laugh. That laugh.. It set me off. I could no longer control the burn inside of me. I was boiling with anger. I walked over to the man and I bawled up a fist. And it connected to his face a few moments, a few scraggly moment's, before his fist burried into my eye, then my chin. I tasted the blood in my mouth. I felt it's warm presence on my chin.

I didn't want to stop, even though he would definitely over power me.

Seconds later my mother was between us. She begged for us to stop. I only gave up when he backed up , due to my mom furiously punishing him. "Ashley..please. I have this. Leave. Now!", I backed up, blinded by my anger. She was going to defend him over me..

I ran out of the room. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I forced them to stay inside. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't give them satisfaction.

I slammed the front door closed behind me, muttering curse words as I did so. I walked to the next door house and calmly knocked on the door. As soon as he opened the door, I walked past Ryan. "The glass. Where is it?" I asked though it wasn't a question. He didn't ask anything but ran to his room and returned with the white baggie.

As soon as I saw the bag, the hunger for it inside my stomach clawed. It burned more than the unfallen tears. In my hands, Ryan placed a homemade pipe sprinkled with the meth.

My desire was dripping like the blood on my face. And the a hunger burned more than the a cuts.

I licked my lips.