Heal These Battle Scars | MxM

Chapter Five - A Night On The Road

The words I'm not a monster hammered through Xiao Fang's head the next day the entire time he spent time tending to the injured communist soldiers inside the army base infirmary.

Truth be told... He was a monster because vile thoughts crossed his mind whenever he patched a soldier's open wound. He wanted them to die. He wanted to kill them all with his bare hands and end their God-forsaking lives, too. However, when the five soldiers' wounds stopped bleeding, their scars covered, and their smiles returned, he realized he could not do it — could not end their unworthy lives... So; he wallowed in self-pity because he had helped the enemy, and a quick death would've been an award if he hadn't chosen to be such a coward.

When the day was near its end, unsatisfied, Xiao Fang returned — slammed back in the cramped cell, and made to eat plain rice and drink unfiltered water. The stares from Wei Chen, Cheng Li, Jiang Han, and Jie Yu burned against his back, though. And although none of them uttered a word, he could sense the disappointment in their silence.

Xiao Fang didn't blame them because while he was out helping to heal the enemy soldiers, the same enemy who forced his comrades to work in the field under the heat — like slaves, he had been sheltered, having not even dropped a sweat.

In his mind, the silence from his comrades wasn't enough. He deserved their hatred and would understand if they never utter a word to him again. However, when night reached, and the floor became cold like ice, Xiao Fang sat huddled up in the corner while Jie Yu inched near him, smiling a little.

"I understand," Jie Yu told him. "I understand why you helped them... We all do."

Xiao Fang sighed as he buried his hands in his face, avoiding the stiff pats Jie Yu placed on his shoulder as a strange form of comfort. "What do you understand?" he asked. Did Jie Yu understand he wanted to go back home? Start a family? Live in peace? "That I'm a coward who is afraid of death?"

"You did what you had to do," Jie Yu whispered as he took a glance at the soldier guarding the prison cell. "If you had refused them, those bastards would've killed us all. Besides, it's better this way. I mean, think about it. These bastards will work us to death in those fields anyway... There's no — we'll be dead before the war ends. But with you helping them, we can escape... And don't have to leave here empty-handed either."

"What are you talking about?" Xiao Fang whispered back, finally lifting his head to look at his friend. "I don't understand."

"Figure out their routine ... Where they keep their weapons and what route they take," Jie Yu said with a straight face. "You know... Snoop a little — gain their trust. And when we have enough information to take back to the headquarters, we'll escape. That way... No one will look at us as cowards... We'll be hailed as heroes."

"Well, I did say I'll find a way for us to escape," Xiao Fang replied mostly to himself while he contemplated Jie Yu's words. It would be dangerous trying to sneak information... What choice did they have, though? They could not return as cowards who flee... And they couldn't — shouldn't leave empty-handed. "But what if they suspect something?" Xiao Fang continued. "That commander — he's a real keen observer. I think they'll kill us all if they find out."

"They won't find out," Jie Yu replied with a nod. "Trust me."

"Mm," Xiao Fang hummed, small and almost nonexistent. Trusting Jie Yu wasn't an issue, after all, he trusted the man since day one when Jie Yu lent him a helping hand. It was himself that he failed to trust. "I trust you."

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Rain poured down long before dawn broke, splashing through the small window in the prison cell as the prisoners cooped up in the corner, wanting to gain some warmth. It felt like the sky had been crying whenever thunder roared and lightning flashed, causing the ground to shiver.