Heal These Battle Scars | MxM

Chapter Thirty-One - I've Got My Eyes On You

Xiao Fang had worn his heart on his sleeve for his entire life. It might've been a foolish thing to do, he saw no fault in it though. He believed goodness, righteousness, love, and all were enough to prevail over anything and everything wrong with the world. He was wrong. Wickedness, wrongness, hatred, and all were a much greater consumer. At least, it was in this Godforsaken life he called his own.

With eyes closed, Xiao Fang lay on his side in the bed with Wang Yi curled around his back, holding him close; one arm rested under the older man's head for solace, and the other wrapped around his flat stomach. It felt pleasing to be here with Yi. Just the two of them in silence, forgetting about the troubles they were currently facing.

Every time Yi explored Xiao Fang's bare chest, making smoothing circles with the pad of his thumb on Xiao Fang's pebbled nipples, or every time he inhaled Xiao Fang's stale scent before pressing a comforting kiss into the back of his hair; Xiao Fang's mind would blank out in absolute bliss.

How he wished they could stay this way forever. In a warm room very much like this one, and ignore all the bombs and horrifying screams and gunfire from the outside world.

It would be a much more fitting life to wake up with Yi in his arms every day to Chongqing's sunshine in their own home, with a cat or two. And after breakfast, he would go to work in the hospital. Obviously, Yi would work too. He could be a teacher since he liked children. Or if Yi wanted to lay low, a janitor might be just fine. A regular salesman would be good too. In the afternoon hours, after they were caked from the day's turmoil, they could meet each other up on the sidewalk and share sneaky touches before returning home together.

The thought of it all sounded nice, peaceful, and contented in Xiao Fang's hazy mind. It was all wishful thinking though because as much as it pained him to admit it, being a soldier; a commander in the army was a more fitting life for Yi. Yi might not marvel at the killing bit anymore, but it was in his blood and in his heart to protect his country and his people. Xiao Fang couldn't see him stopping anytime soon.

Xiao Fang sighed deeply, pressing his face into the bedding before twisting around to face his young lover.

Yi's big doe eyes searched his own; he looked so beautiful despite carrying the world on his shoulders like an aged-old man.

Xiao Fang knew if he asked his younger lover to run away with him tonight, in a heartbeat Yi would drop everything and leave. He couldn't do such a thing though. Yi was a young man with ambitions and a bright future ahead. An ordinary life, working a job where he would have to take orders instead of giving them would undoubtedly stifle his youthful soul. Besides, the war still wreaked havoc across China, and its cruelty would eventually catch up with them if they were to live together. People would look down upon them or shun them from communities for being deserters. They might even get outed for being lovers and dragged into the streets to greet death. Their lives would be ruined; Yi's life would be ruined and his dignity destroyed. That was the life Xiao Fang had to offer them. At least, in their current situation — that would be their life. So he would not ask Yi to run away with him; he would not steal the thrill from Yi's life for his own selfish desires.

It was why he decided to not tell Yi that he would leave alone before the night ended.

Gently, Yi parted the fringe falling into Xiao Fang's eyes, and questioned in the softest of voices, "What are you thinking about?"

Xiao Fang still lay on his younger lover's arm, probably to the point of numbness; not that Yi cared. "Nothing," he lied.

Yi stared at him for a long, dragged-out moment before his face morphed into something questioning. "You're lying," he seemed to settle on saying. "Tell me what's on your mind."