Suicide was the best thing I've ever done

Chapter 3: No say

      Fuck that. I don't swear, but seriously, fuck that. I don't need to go to a psych ward with psychopaths, sociopaths, or any other type of word that ends with "paths". "No." Was all I could say in response.

"What do you mean no?" My mother asks, her expression turning from sweet to sour.

"Maybe we should let her think about it for a second." Dr.Chen chimed in, "Would you like me to explain it to you?" He proceeded to ask me.

"I don't need you to explain anything, I'm not going. End of discussion."

"That's not how it works around here. You're going if I say you are." Mother sets in stone. I know she's not joking around. My mom never jokes, at least not when it comes to me. She's 100% serious about admitting me to a psych ward tonight. It was just one time. Fine, maybe more than that, but to her knowledge it was just one. Once upon a time, Hanna Miller tried to kill herself. Once. I don't deserve to be locked up for that, treated below myself for the rest of my life. It would be unfair.

"I'm 16, I can legally make my own decisions. In the eyes of the law under the mental health act, I decide." I shoot back. It's true of course, but I know I'm going to receive backlash for "getting too political".

"Don't get all political on me, Hanna." I told you so. "I'm still your mother. If you don't go, I'm driving you there no matter how much you kick or scream."

Cruel. Pure evil is what she is, she can't leave me there. All alone in the dark. Coldly sleeping in a bed next to someone who imagines strangling me in their sleep. She wouldn't. "With the psychos?" I ask genuinely, "You'll leave me in there?"

"If that's what it takes, then yes. You need help, Hanna."

"I'm not going. That's final." I state.

Doctor Chen finally puts in his two-sense, "That's okay, you don't have to go." Finally, someone who understands. He escorted my mom out of the room and I can hear whispers coming from the hallway. Unsure of if they were from my mother or other patients, I drifted off back to sleep, sore and exhausted. Mentally and physically.

      The best thing about dying would be no more pain. It never occurred to me that it might not work. Just 2 slashes to your wrist and you can move on to the afterlife, is what everyone said on the internet and in school. Joking about it as if it were an awesome shared experience between a group of friends. They were wrong. My wrists hurt so bad. I'm debating fully ripping off my hands. I want them gone. Suicide was supposed to take away the pain of life. The physical and mental pain that drains me every day of my life, but attempted suicide makes it worse. Maybe that's the difference between suicide and attempted suicide. One solves all your problems, and the other makes you wish, even more so, that you were dead.

      I slept for what felt like days, living vicariously through the little fairy in my dreams. Wishing I was her, that I was at peace like she was. Just pretending to be her in my head with my eyes shut felt amazing. I wake up to the sound of sirens. Quiet but loud, distant but close, blaring but calm. What happened at the hospital? A fire? It sounds like and fire alarm, but not quite the same. I open my eyes, pulling myself out of the fantasy life I created in my dreams and start to look around. My eyes dart from left to right until I focus on the scenery. This was not the hospital. I look up to the ceiling I've grown to love, realizing that it was taken from me, or rather that I was taken from it. I'll give you three guesses as to where I am, but the first two don't count. If you guessed an ambulance, we have a winner, and you won't believe where I end up at the end of this super enduring road trip.

      After Dr.Chen sedated me in the ambulance, I woke up in a parked vehicle with no one inside but me. The back doors swing open and two officers take the gurney I'm on out of the ambulance and onto the cement driveway. I quickly learn where we were, even though I'm sure we all know what my mother did. She must've bribed the hospital to take me to Maryville penitentiary psychiatric hospital. The psych ward. I've never stood up to my mother before and she's made it very clear that I'm to listen and follow orders, not argue. I don't care about the consequences, I just didn't want to end up here. Yet, here I am.

      The doctor comes over as I'm being wheeled to the front doors and greeted by two security guards. He removes the cuff from my leg and I'm told to get out of the gurney. My mother holds my arm as if I have any chance of escaping this, of escaping the situation she put me in. I wouldn't dare try that. She'd find me and just to spite me stick me in here longer than planned. I'm led to a waiting room and I watch as my mother signs me in. She's freaking out at the front desk, complaining that I wouldn't get my own room no matter how much money she bargained. I don't even want my own room, maybe a friend could be nice. I don't have many of those, maybe they would've been something to live for. Another security guard comes out of the double doors behind me and swipes her metal detector across my body, asking me to empty the pockets I don't have and check the bag I didn't have time to pack. She then takes me to what I assume is my room.

      It isn't. It's another doctor's office, probably a psych evaluation. The doctor asks me a million questions and I was in her room for an hour and a half just trying to convince her that I didn't deserve to be here. It didn't matter much, my mom probably paid everyone in the building by now to admit me no matter what. The security guard comes back and shows me to what finally is my bedroom. Two beds on either side of the walls, a nightstand for each, and a shared bathroom. Very cozy. The door shuts behind me and I carry myself deeper into the room, investigating the corners. Where was my roommate?

      The bathroom door opened when I asked the question inside my mind. A girl. She looks about my age, maybe a year older. Brunette, has deep brown hair, almost black but not quite. Not like my golden hair at all. She steps closer to me and I can see that her eyes are hazel. A light brown with specks of green around her irises. As I am studying her face, she jumps up and kisses me. She just kissed me. I'm so confused, we didn't even speak a single word to each other and she just planted one on me like it was nothing. My first kiss with a random patient at a psych ward. Just how I imagined it.

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Authors Notes

This chapter is still kinda short too, they'll get longer as we go along and I'll introduce some questions which may or may not be foreshadowing so stay tuned...

Also, if you find any grammar and/or punctuation mistakes, POINT THEM OUT! I normally try to be very strict about my own grammar and things, so if you see a problem please correct me in the comments.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments, don't forget to vote and I'll see you soon <3

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