LEGACY: a bucky barnes story

Chapter 33 - Cognizance

James and I spent the next few weeks enjoying each other's company. We would often spend hours with him journaling while I read a book from the safehouse. Then, when he felt ready, he would read aloud some of the memories he recalled. He became increasingly comfortable sharing the difficult memories as time went on.

He surprised me with coffee one morning. "Hey, I've told you some of my early life stuff, I'd like to know more about you now." James sat himself on his cot, handing me the metal mug akin to those taken on camping trips.

"Really?" I remarked, sitting up from the end of James' cot, graciously accepting the beverage.

"Yeah. Who is this JJ gal?"

"I'm not sure how this helps your memory retrieval..."

"It's not for that. I've yapped enough as is, I wanna know more about you, doll." He positioned himself to face me, elbows resting on his knees with chin on his palms.

His antics earned a blushing giggle as I pondered what to begin with. "Well, I've got a younger brother—Matt. And a younger sister—Emily. She's seven years younger than me, and he's three years younger than me. My dad—he was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, too. I was twenty when he was killed on the job."

He nodded slowly. "That explains a lot, actually. I'm truly sorry about your old man. Can I-could I ask—how did he die?"

"Yeah, um, Loki. This God from another universe, or a demigod? I don't know... he came to enslave and rule Earth. The Avengers stopped him—but not before he killed Dad on their airship."

"I understand all of those words individually—but that feels like context we don't need to get into right now. I'm sorry for your loss, Jaige."

"Thank you. It still hurts, but he died protecting others on the job. I know if he were to choose how he'd die, that's what he would've chosen."

James nodded again, deep in concentration. "What about your old lady?"

"My mom? She died, too." I took a deep breath and expired slowly. "Postpartum hemorrhaging. Two months after she had Emily, she just-she just bled out. We didn't have any idea because it was all internal. I guess postpartum hemorrhages are usually external blood loss, so it was incredibly rare and nobody knew until it was too late."

The pained shock on his face was all too familiar. I recalled feeling just that—both inside and out.

Taking his hand in mine, I gave a gentle squeeze as his eyes met mine again. "I was only eight at the time. Something inside broke that day, though I've grown to accept the part it plays my life. You know, I don't think I've told anyone the full story of how Mom died."

He smiled sadly. "Does that make me special, doll?"

"I think you already know the answer." I planted a peck on his cheek. "Alright, I think that's enough of my sappy shit. I've got questions too, Barnes."

"Is that so? Alright, ace—whaddya got?"

I pretended to ponder theatrically, my finger tapping my chin. "Let's see... where to begin? Ah!" I raised my finger in the air. "Do you remember what you were like, in the forties? Your life before, with Steve and everything?"

He blew air out, puffing his lips. "I don't know. I mean, I remember chasing down and saving that punk a time or two."

"You know... I feel like that wasn't the only thing you chased down." I winked.

"Jaige!" He grabbed at his heart in mock shock. "You think I was active duty, all doll dizzy or something?"

"'Doll dizzy'? Oh God, you really are from the forties."

"Yeah, doll, that's kind of my whole bit."

I laughed. "I could see you were a ladies' man, Barnes."

"I guess I had an eye for beautiful dames."

I tilted my head back and batted my lashes. "You think you'd have approached me back in the day?"

James cocked his head, grazing his lower lip with his tongue. "Oh, I'd have definitely asked you to dance. Probably would've got the nerve to ask if you were rationed."

I snorted abruptly. "Rationed? What kind of shit is that?"

"It's how we asked a cookie if they're going steady."

"Cookie? James, are you having a stroke?"

It was his turn to throw his head back laughing. "No, no, a cookie's a cute girl."

"Good God, am I going to need to refresh my forties slang when I'm around you?" I exclaimed. "But this is great progress—you're remembering an impressive amount, you know?"

"It's easy with you, Jaige."

I pulled him in for a deep kiss.