that summer

party

5 years ago

"It's not fair." I cried.

"Yeah well nothing is fair." my cousin shouted at me.

We were sitting under a tree in the garden in front of our family house. It was summer also, and I just turned sixteen. 

"But I don't want to." I put my face in my palms, feeling tears about to come out.

My cousin sighed "Y/N. You are a smart girl. You have good grades. Everybody likes you," she put a hand on my shoulder "And you never dissapoint your family."

I remove my hands from my face and starred at the ground. 

"So you can't dissapoint them now."

I remained quiet and thought about what she said. 

"What do you want to do anyway?" she asked.

I shook my head "I don't know. I just know that I don't want to stay here forever."

"Why?"

"I feel trapped. Don't you?" I felt my strength coming back into surface "I've been good for sixteen years. I've done everything that I've been told to do. I did all of that because I thought it would grant me freedom." I took a breath "I thought that if I'm good, then I can do whatever I want when I'm finally an adult."

She chuckled "What kind of logic is that?"

I starred at her quietly. 

"You know," she said "I'm a lot older than you. So I've make my peace with this family a long time ago. I have decided to accept that I have to do what I have to do because I'm born into this family."

She paused, looking out into the large whitestoned building in front of us. 

"In turn, I'm safe. I have money. I have protection."

"But that's not how family works." I said.

"Yeah well not this family." she looked down. "Trust me, Y/N. Please."

After that I finished high school in complete submission to my family. It was only before I went to college that I told my family about what I wanted to major in. I was allowed to choose whatever major I want. But we all know that at the end of my path is one of my family business in town.

-

After that day with Toji, I didn't see him again until the weekend. 

It was the day our family held another dinner and a party. This time they invited some of their business partners. 

When I say "party" I didn't mean loud music, dancing, and socialization. It's classical music, wine drinking, and business talks. We dressed up all fancy, with suits and dresses and heels. The woman showed off their expensive purses and shoes. The mens showed off their expensive watches. 

As for me, I did what I always do on parties. I tried to find a spot to sit quietly and drink on my own. Usually I would bring a book. But my cousin insisted that I wore the little purse I brought with me, which obviously can't keep a book. She also insisted that I brought nothing else other than that purse with me.

I sat on a corner with a glass of wine in hand. I looked at the sea of people in front of me. Some are passing by me, leaving a trail of unpleasant smell of perfumes. My head started to hurt looking at all the glitter. 

Then amongst those people, I saw him. Toji in a black suit and a matching trousers. He looked different than usual. His hair was combed back, which made his eyes more prominent than usual. For a moment I thought he was one of those businessmen. He looked like one of them, except for the way he left his suit unbuttoned. 

I didn't realize that I was starring until his eyes met mine. Then he smiled and walked towards me. From where he was standing to where I was sitting, I could see the people he passed were starring at him. They either looked at him with a sort of disgusted look, or with a lusting look.

"Hey." he said, sitting next to me without warning.

I bowed my head a little.

"Why are you so polite suddenly?" he chuckled. "And what's with this?" his thumb went to touch my botton lip.

I immediately pulled my face away.

"Lipstick?" he said. 

"Toji-san," I said, realizing that my voice came out as a whisper "People are starring."

"So?" he said.

I gave him a look "Well, I don't like people starring at me."

"I'm not so sure anymore that you want to be my friend." he said suddenly. 

"Of course I do." I said.

"Then try not to look so ashamed with me." he stood up and walked away. 

I didn't realize that I had offended him. I did worry about what my family would think seeing me talking with this notorious guy. So I stood up and quickly followed him. 

"Toji-san," I called him.

His back was facing me. We stopped outside of the room where the party was held. 

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine" he said, pulling out a cigarrette and lighting it. 

"I didn't mean to say that. I was just thinking about what people would think and I know I shouldn't."

"You just reminded me of my father," he looked at me "when you say that."

"Say what?"

""People are starring"". he said "People stare at me all the time. I' sick of the reminder."

"Sorry." I said again.

"Stop it." he said.

I looked up to see his face. He finally smiled.

"You just took a step back from your rebellion." he chuckled. "But you also just took a step forward by coming out here with me."

"Well," I sighed.

Suddenly I heard a group of people behind us. I noticed one of them as Toji's brother. They were talking and laughing and smoking. One of them had a bottle of wine in hand, looking drunk already.

Then I saw two other people coming towards them. It was my cousin and her husband. They all greeted each other and started talking and laughing. I could see that my cousin was giving her best fake laugh. People might not notice it, but I always do. I've told her before that she may actually be a good actress. 

I turned my back to those people immediately before anyone notices me. Especially my cousin. Toji noticed my gesture and sighed hard.

"Let's get out of here." he said, grabbing my hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To where this all started."