that summer

finally alone 🍋

"Finally alone,"

"Yeah. Finally."

"You're still scared." he said as he walked towards me "Let it go."

I didn't took a step back as I saw his face getting closer to mine. I stayed in place even if my feet were itching to move away.

Let it go  I repeated his words in my head.

I closed my eyes. I tried to control my breath, trying to relax myself so that I can think. This may not seem like a big deal at the moment, but I have to straighten out my thoughts about what I wanted. The thing that just happened with Toji reminded me again that I have to make out my mind.

As I inhaled his scent made it's way into my senses. I opened my eyes to see him so close. My face was at the level of his chest. He lowered his head so that he could see my face. But I couldn't make myself to look at him. So I just starred at his chest. 

My hands grabbed his shirt as he pushed himself closer again.

"Let it go, Y/N." he said. His voice sounded different than usual. "Use me. It's fine."

I laughed at what he said and finally looked up to see him "Use you?"

"Yeah." he said with a face so serious I was afraid for a second.

I heard his breath and I hear my breath. Then I heard my heartbeat. It's like my body became more and more alive.

He put a hand on one side of my face. Then his thumb once again touched my bottom lip.

"You look nice." he smirked. 

I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. It's like I was loosing sense of everything except my sense of him. My body moved on it's own and in a second I felt his lips on mine.

He was forceful, but gentle. I don't know how to explain it. He was strong. He took me on his arms so easily and laid me on the bed. He caged me under his body. It was intimidating at first, but it felt safe. Somehow...

"Are you scared?" he said, looking up from my neck.

I shook my head and grab the back of his neck, sliding my fingers on the strands of his hair. 

He chuckled and continued kissing down my neck. One of his hands traveled down my body and found the hem of my skirt. Then I felt his warm hand slided under the skirt, massaging my thighs. I closed my eyes, feeling my breath got deeper and more uneven. I may have let out little moans.

Then without warning, his hand grabbed my underpants and slided it down my legs. I gasped at his sudden action and immediately pull my legs together.

"What?" he smirked before levelling his face on mine and started giving more kisses.

Then he placed his hand back under my skirt. His hand knew where to go exactly.

"T..Toji." I gasped.

He felt that I was resisting a little. 

"Let go, Y/N." he whispered "You know you want it. I know."

I held onto him, shutting my eyes and my mouth. The feelings were overwhelming and the room felt hot. I tried to keep myself from moaning anything, especially his name. 

"Let go, Y/N." he said it again, not slowing down his fingers. 

I finally looked into his eyes, pulling his face closer, saying "You're gonna regret this." Then I finally kissed him.

I pulled his body to me, spreading my legs so that he could get in between. I caught his suit, pulling it down, wanting him to take it off. Then I tried to unbuttoned his shirt.

He chuckled "No I won't regret it."

Then he threw his shirt away from his body and pulled my dress off of my body. I felt completely exposed and for a second I doubted everything. But then I quickly pushed the feeling away. I felt brave. 

Let go

We both knew that what we were doing is a form of rebellion that I long for. I didn't care if he was taking advantage of me. He also didn't care if I was using him. He made it clear. 

If it was him, I'm sure he wouldn't mind to just casually sleeps with people. But for me, I wouldn't even think about doing something as such. Even if it's for my own mission, that is to be a rebel. There was something else. 

When I look into his eyes there's something. And I didn't think that only I felt that something. I could feel that he too, feel something. He seemed different when he's so close. Maybe we were just making an excuse about doing something rebellious. I guess, a part of us did it because we want it. 

I heard his breath heavy on my neck. His body was warm. It was as if he's transferring the heat into my body. His every move made me feel so good.  

"Toji," I moaned, tugging my fingers on his belt. 

Without hesitating he unclasped his belt and pulled his pants down. Then he threw it to the floor and crawled back towards me with a smirk in his face.

"What?" I asked, clearly not hiding my flustered face. But I didn't care.

"Get ready." he said.

After that everything went by so fast. He was fast in pace. But he made sure that I was feeling good. He kept looking at me, as if loving seeing me like a mess. I was a mess. He didn't slow down and he was not loosing strength. It felt exhausting tyring to keep up with him. But it was great my voice had to come out.

"Are you trying to get us caught?" he panted, still smirking.

"Slow... down." I grabbed the sheets like I'm holding on for life. 

Then he grabbed my waist and turned me over like I weight nothing.

"Toji!" I shrieked, landing on my stomach.

He didn't even give me time to adjust to the new position. He thrusted as hard as before. I moaned, trying to tell him to slow down, yet at the same time, I'm expressing how good he felt. 

"You like that?" I could hear the smirk in his voice. 

I didn't need to answer him. Because a second after that I felt a surge of pleasure all over my body. Then I felt him pulled out and let out a loud groan. He then fell onto the bed next to me. Both of us panting and sweating.

"Congratulations," he said. "You did it."

We both chuckled. 

"No regret?" he turned to me. "Because I don't."

I shook my head.