Consequences

Chapter 30: Love

ARIANA'S POV:

I literally threw him out of my room without even giving him a chance for a proper explanation. I was extremely mad and disappointed at him. I even asked Damien to leave because I honestly wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. I needed some time alone.

HOW COULD HE USE ME AS A BAIT?! HE DIDN'T EVEN CARE THAT I COULD'VE FUCKING DIED?!

I felt betrayed and disgruntled at the moment. I sat alone on my bed because I couldn't even sleep thinking about the fact that the person I trusted the most, the person I loved, the person who always told me that he "cared" about me, used me as a bait. I even locked my room. I didn't want to see his face or hear his voice. More than an hour passed by without me even realising. I was exasperated. I mean it was something which would make anyone angry as fuck! But, I didn't even know for how long was I pacing around the room because my mind was in a conflict. Conflict between whether what I did was right and wrong because once again, I let my emotions overpower me and I didn't even give him a chance for an explanation. Misunderstandings made me suffer a lot in the past and I didn't want the same to happen again. I let out a sigh.

Besides. staying mad at him was next to impossible. I rolled my eyes at how whipped I am, for him. But then, I shyly looked at the boxes of donuts and pastries that he got for me.

Why am I this way when it's about him? Why can I never stay mad at him? Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I can't stay away from him? Why is it that no matter how much I try, I can't ignore him or be 'the egotistical bitch who gets pissed off at everything', I used to be, before? I mean he's way more egotistical than me or at least he used to be but still, I wasn't that nice to him either, in the beginning. Besides, I always ghosted people who acted egotistical with me. Then why can't I do the same with him? I didn't even use to care for him. Hell, I used to hate him. There were days where I hoped that I didn't have to see his face. There were days where I wanted to stay away from him. Then, what changed? Why do I miss every seconds when he's not talking to me? Why is it that ignoring him is next to impossible for me? Why is it that I can't stop thinking about him? In my high school, I used to be that girl who never really felt attracted to someone because people were boring as fuck. No one could keep my interest for long. Especially if I knew that they liked me, I'd be turned off. Then, why am I not getting bored of him even after knowing that he has feelings for me? Also, the guys in my school weren't as lively as I was. Yes, I looked innocent and nerdy but I was a social butterfly. I could both be innocent and wild, shy and bold. Being adaptable, I could switch my personality to fit amongst people really well and I'm a crazy human with a good sense of humour anyway. That's why I hated people who didn't match my energy. Actually, I could barely find someone who could match my energy. Also, I remember how much I used to hate cold, narcissistic and egotistical boys of my school who used to keep themselves isolated from people. Then what's about him that makes me go crazy for him? This man has some magnetism in him which always pulls me towards him no matter how far I try to go from him! I tried. I tried to run away. I tried to get rid of him. But, I failed badly. I thought staying away and ghosting him would make me feel good but it made me feel terrible! Is something terribly wrong with me or is this what love feels like? I'm not the cheesy and cringy type of person but I honestly can't keep my eyes off him when I see him. I literally gape at him like an idiot! I can't help the butterflies that dance in my stomach just by hearing his voice and seeing him probably creates an explosion of my braincells. I can't explain how much I crave for him mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm more of an intellectual person even though most of the times I'm indecisive and reckless as fuck but still, he manages to touch my mind along with my heart which makes me want him even more. He's everything I never wanted. Everything I hated. But still, I feel madly attracted to him! We're so different and I always said I'd never go for someone who isn't like me but look at me, now. My emotionally strong and controlled personality trait disappeared the very moment I started to get closer to him. He could effortlessly make me open up. I barely show my emotions to someone or at least I try to pretend I'm all good because I can't handle being sad. I don't want to be the sad and depressed girl with a traumatic past. I try to be as happy as possible. I try to pretend everything is fine no matter how despondent I feel. But, he pulls out my emotional and sensitive side. He can do things no one ever could. He can make me feel vulnerable. He can make me go insane. Fucking love. This shit makes us become a whole new person which is fucking annoying! You can't even control yourself! Even the most controlled person loses their shits after being in love. Fuck my life!