Deeper than death

Part 1

Most of these "poems" are disturbing and made from my personal experience, they represent me and my psyche. Do not follow steps from any  that speaks about gruesome things like suicide, self-harm or murder. If you relate please seek help, don't end up like me. Parental advisory, some parts contain grafic explanation of various suicide methods, self-harm and morbid philosophy that can potentially be a bad influence to another person (I remind you again most of these "poems" are personal and they represent my own thoughts and actions). All rights reserved to writter.
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-ETERNAL MYSTERY (August 2021)

I've searched for meaning and missed it all,
I've searched for heaven and it started to fall,
I've searched for answers and remained confused,
I've searched for empathy and ended up abused.

When did the universe begin?
How is mind working?
Is there anything after death?
What is point of all that?
Through hundred plights just to find a void in the end,
So many things we'll never get to know and understand.
Through hundred plights...

If I knew all the answers, what I would do then?
Like Cassandra telling fortune - no one believed her,
What if the answers lay deep inside of us,
Eternally being silenced, never been heard?

-BLOODY FAIRYTALE (2013 or 2014)

From red apple to red blood
Pale beauty died tonight,
Sailors stole life from ocean,
Life of mermaid who tried to hide.
Maybe beast killed beauty
Because of grief, just like that,
My glass shoes hurt me so bad,
I am bleeding to the death.

Girl is lost in the jungle, lonely with an apes and snakes,
Ice queen became frozen in ice covered with snow flakes,
Prince shot a white swan, her bloody wings cannot fly,
Beauty in her bed doesn't sleep, it seems she died.

Girl is lost near lake, she searched for dead frog.
No true love here, you won't search for too long.
Lamp is losing shine, makes your heart become sand,
Golden braid is falling on the land... Beauty is dead...

Bloody fairytale, like this flower in her black hair,
She had all magic, but now she feels so weak.
Bloody fairytale, when clock shows the end of day,
Midnight in town, blue star is falling down.

The end, once there was a princess, and prince, and a story, fairytale.
Now there is laughing of evil witch,
And tears, and blood, ill-fate.

-THIS GONNA KILL (2013 or 2014)

I know this gonna kill, this beautiful field,
But I got to pay a bill,
I know, no more to live for me here,
I got to pay a bill. I go away.

This bill to destiny is following me.
Keep smile for my enemy.
Leave me, it's not a big deal,
Even if you stay I need to go still.

This bill to my life I'll pay,
Come on, why you cry'n'pray?
I have to go on my way,
Sorry, I shouldn't stay.

Destiny calls to take prize,
Now I'm gonna die.

-TIME IS UP (2013 or 2014)

I believe what was started,
One day it needs to be stopped.
Only time is there, time goes, but now my time is up.

Time by time, moment by moment,
Tear by tear, breath by breath.
Clock is knocking, counting, counting down,
Everything is deaf. Time is up.

I know, when sun is up, at night his shine gonna stop,
Time goes but now my time is up.

Ten to nine, eight to seven, after zero I won't find heaven.
Six to five, four to three, time is up, up for me,
Two to one, zero to nothing, now is gone everything.

-BROKEN MAGIC (2013)

When you looked at my way with your beautiful eyes, I knew,
We will be together, so I decided
To fly to you, won't let you go.