Deeper than death

Part 5

-SPECIAL CHRISTMAS (2015)

This Christmas will be special,
I'll dress in my favourite clothes,
Christmas hat on my head,
My room is turned into blue,
While everything outside is white and red.

My cake is made of tears,
My Christmas carol is Gloomy Sunday,
This is my special Christmas
All these years I waited for this day.

On my cake are no candles in colours
Only yellow ones after this day end,
I feel selfish for my celebration,
No time to think for their offence.

This Christmas will be special.
I'll wear very long shall and fly
Not too long but it will work.
Hope no one will stop my party
Or start to shout from the door.

On my special Christmas I'll skip the music,
My kind of party needs a silence,
Cursing my mother for giving me birth on this day,
But today I forgive with a fake smile on my face.

On this day, years and years ago, I was born,
Cold December evening left me in this cold world,
Every Christmas was my special one
Until I turned seventeen.
Then I realised - every Christmas is same,
Every birthday is same. Bunch of dissapointments.
Story of my life.
While the cold winter evening is coming
And clock is showing five and thirty P.M.
I'm returning back gift I got years and years ago.
My special Christmas is over. Sorry.

-DEEP FROM HEART (2015)
*trigger warning

Depression is not a black dress
That I could take off when I am bored of it,
It's more like my shadow
And goes step by step with me.
Anixety is not a fear
Of something that I see or hear,
It's more like a stalker
That's always walking near.

Only red that calms me down
Falling down again, but I didn't hurt you,
It's only my pain, I'm responsible for it
And I live with this for years, it's nothing new.
If you leave, then leave, don't yell on me,
If you tell me to stop, no, I cannot do it.
It's easier to judge, but please don't be
The one who will do this to me.

My emotions may not be visible, but they are here,
And words really know to cut me inside,
I'm never joking about how broken I am
And never joking about suicide.
Because I know it's not my choice,
And I didn't chose depression,
Didn't chose to hide myself in the dark,
To wait death train on this scary station.

-NATURE (2015)

Purple land, blue water,
Perfect pink sunset,
Is it dream, is it real?
Moon will tell me.

Dreamy girl is sleeping
In her bed made of leaves,
Time for me to wake up
And find peace.

Melody, all I hear
Flowers rise to greet me,
My blue roses and diamonds
In the blue sea.

Moon is coming here,
Sun is disappearing,
Sending nature to fall
Into the sleep.

Purple land, blue water,
Perfect pink sunset,
Nature prepares to fall
Into the sleep.

-BLUE ROSES'S SYMPHONY (2015)

Blue roses...

Standing grandieviously on the harsh northern wind
They will not move at all (Let white snow to fall)
Watching silently, they know that one day
They will reach their goal.

My heart beats only on this field
Where my root holds my feet,
Got one more chance and I suppose
To live on this field like a blue rose.

Like an artist who see things from a different angle
I'm drawing my own mural on the wall,
Roses are watching silently, they know one day
I'll reach my goal.