The Cruelest Summer

Chapter 19- Why Me?

"Olivia, stop!"

Annoyed, Taylor pulled the covers up to the bridge of her nose. It was 9:13 am, but a very early 9:13 am. Taylor had lost count of how many glasses of Pinot Grigio she had drunk, but she presumed that her consumption had amounted to at least a bottle's worth. Every time Karlie had opened her mouth, a glug of wine had somehow found its way down Taylor's throat. 

Needless to say, Taylor was hungover and experiencing all of the symptoms. Throbbing headache, scratchy throat......stabbing stomach pains - though she suspected that those had originated elsewhere. Karlie's seemingly innocuous comment about Joe still had her insides all knotted up.

She hated that her best friend had planted that seed of doubt in her head. She didn't want to have to question Joe's intentions. Especially since whatever thing they had going on was going exceptionally well. But perhaps, that was just it. It was too good to be true.

"What do you think?" Taylor murmured to Olivia.

The scottish-fold simply pawed at Taylor's comforter in response. "Fine, be that way," Taylor scoffed. "It's not like I feed you everyday of your life."

Olivia mewed, before continuing to occupy herself with the wrinkles in the bed sheet fabric. Her folded ears, however, suddenly perked up at the sound of a ringing iPhone. Slightly startled, Taylor quickly reached for her phone. Who the hell was calling her at such an ungodly hour?

Joe apparently. That's who. Taylor felt her breath hitch when she saw his name under the caller-ID, a pretty extreme reaction for a simple FaceTime request. She hesitated for half a second, unsure if she wanted Joe to see her in such a disheveled condition. Reasoning that Joe had already been privy to her sloppiness, she pressed "accept."

Her ears were immediately blessed with the sound of a deep, British "hello."

"Heyyy," she drawled in response, blushing at her voice's sudden fluctuation.

"You look terrible," Joe unexpectedly quipped. "Gorgeous, but terrible."

"Gee, thanks," Taylor replied sarcastically. She was embarrassed, but oddly comforted by this sudden candor. "You sure know how to get into a girl's pants."

Joe chuckled. "What can I say? It's a gift."

"So what gave me away? What was it that made you think damn, Taylor looks like shit this morning?"

Joe smirked. "Well, I suppose the smudged mascara, the wine stained shirt.....the gruff voice...and the tired eyes all painted the perfect picture of a rough night. It's quite attractive though, you know?"

"What is?"

"You looking like a mess. It's cute. I like that you don't try to hide all of that. It's cool. Besides, not many people can make a hangover look beautiful."

Taylor felt her face go hot. "Thanks. That's quite the compliment," she beamed. "You don't look half-bad yourself."

"I'll take it. I'm still recovering from last night."

"Oh?  Wild sex with the girls back home?"

"More like copious drinking with the boys back home," Joe corrected. "I finally got to see all of my mates. I'm sure I've told you about them before- my six school friends? We all went to City together? Anyway, the lot of us got bloody pissed at our favorite pub, the Spainard's Inn. Jesse kept ordering everybody pint after pint of Stella Artois. It was fucking madness. And then when the pub closed- because at that point it was 3:00 am, you know?- we all went over to Hayden's to play rugby and meet his new dog. God, it was fun, but now I'm sure as hell paying the price."

Taylor felt a pang of desperation wash over her. Joe's story was a painful reminder that their lives couldn't be more different. Joe's life was inundated with spontaneity and normalcy, things Taylor could never have no matter how much she craved them. Even where their lives intersected, they were still wildly dissimilar. Sure, they had both gotten drunk with their friends last night. The only difference was that Joe and his mates had gotten drunk to celebrate, while Taylor and Gigi had gotten drunk to stifle the awkwardness in the air. It had become startlingly clear to Taylor that there wasn't a place for her in Joe's life. He had a solid friend group, a budding career, a blazing spirit and she had nothing but baggage.

"Hey, are you okay? Was this a bad time for me to call?"

Taylor registered Joe's voice of concern and quickly snapped out of her train of thought. Her eyes must've glazed over. "Hmm? Oh no, it's not a bad time, trust me. It's not that. It's just..never mind...it's stupid."

"No, go ahead. I promise I won't think it's stupid."

"No, really, it's-"

"Taylor, you can tell me. I've seen you naked for Christ's sake."

"Alright, fine. It's just- I'm just...wondering why you like me. I mean what good is coming out of a friendship with me? I'm a fucking mess and you know it. You've got so many great things going for you with your mates in London and the movie coming out...and I'd just ruin all of that."

Joe's face softened. Taylor watched his ocean-blue eyes pierce hers. A silence lingered while Joe took a moment to collect his thoughts. "You could ask me the same question," he said finally. "Why be friends with me? I'm just some loser, upcoming, wannabe actor. I'm too awkward and irrelevant for those industry parties. I can't afford to buy a place in New York. I'm a fish and chips kinda guy. I'll never be a panjandrum. I'm not into all of that Hollywood shit."

Tears suddenly prickled Taylor's eyes. It was all beginning to make sense. Her insides were warm and her heart was bubbling so much she thought she might boil over. She opened her mouth, ready to unleash her suppressed desires when Joe let out a scowl. 

"Dammit," he groaned. "I lost track of time. I'm sorry to cut this so short, but I promised my granny that I'd take her to high tea. Talk later?"

"Talk later."

Taylor watched wistfully as her screen turned black. She cursed the man upstairs for making things so fucking complicated. How come she had to go ahead and fall in love with Joe Alwyn? 

AN: Happy October babes!! my apologies that it took me over two weeks to give you a proper update!! work is less busy now, so i'll hopefully be updating more regularly again. thanks again for reading and for all of your lovely comments- i love and appreciate every single one of you!! also....can y'all believe that our babies have been together for FIVE years now?! madness!!