As he sat peacefully..
He felt that feeling of suffocation, some pain in chest, a difficulty in breathing.. Something breaking inside..
Before he could think of anything, the dark cloud of thoughts covered him, leaving him mentally paralysed..
Numb in a way he could only feel the pain inside, but couldn't scream..
Couldn't express, couldn't ignore..
No one around him could feel him different, the dullness in his posture, the paleness of his face.. The breaking of his voice..
No one noticed him freaking out in silence.. The silent screaming.. The call for help from his eyes as he smiled around acting everything is fine, fooling everyone who thought they knew him..
As the dark cloud kept piercing a hole in his chest.. The harder it became for him to hold every thought in his mouth..
Thoughts from past, the words he heard in loop every night, the words that made him sleepless for nights
All of them hit him right when he is the weakest..
While maintaining a smile on the outside..
He kept fighting every thought, every judgement, every broken expectation..
Screaming FUCK ALL OF YOU in his head.. So loud every second..
While smiling outside..
The moment he feel himself in control a bit.. Freed from the paralysing smile on his face..
He still marks the line of control.. Holding all that rage and heat inside, just to keep others from hurting..
Even those who made him this..
Crushing his teeth, burying his nails in his own palms, hiding that vein above his left eye..
Faking the fun HIM..
Learning to control it.. Being the MAN they show in a perfect world..
Try holding it all inside..
Throwing all that rage somewhere it hurts him.. Builds him.. Changes him.. Hoping someday it will all be over..
Till them.. A glass of water still calms him a bit..
Some music still let him feel himself again..
Someone people still make him smile genuinely..
