you and me got a whole lot of history [1D]

Chapter Five- "if we could only turn back time"

I sat in my hotel room, box lights set up all around me, wires snaking across the floor. Men with massive cameras stood with their shoulders hunched. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous; I've done thousands of interviews. Maybe it was because I didn't have the boys next to me. I was alone with all these sweaty, middle-aged men. I always felt safe with the boys. The interviewer sat in a folding chair across from me, holding a sheet of paper. He was heavy-set and balding, and his brow seemed to have a permanent downward slant, like he was angry at everything all the time.

    "So, Roxanne, tell me about your experience on the X-Factor."

    I took a deep breath, making a mental note about the things I wouldn't say. Some things just don't need to be spoken about.

    "The X-Factor was... insane. I auditioned with 'Paparazzi' by Lady Gaga, and I guess it's kind of ironic that the thing that got me famous would be my least favorite part of being famous," I said with a laugh, looking at the faces of everyone in the room. No one was smiling. I suddenly felt very claustrophobic.

    "Anyway, I feel like I did pretty well at my audition. I remember that all the other girls were mean, like, really mean. There wasn't a support system like I heard there was for the guys. It was cutthroat."

    "Did any of the girls say or do anything specific?"

    "No, nothing specific, just a lot of back-handed, passive-aggressive comments. Y'know, like girls do."

    "Interesting," he said in a way that sounded like he didn't actually find it interesting at all. I tugged at my sweater. "Tell me about when you got cut."

    "Oh, God, I was gutted. Just... devastated. I had worked so hard, and I felt like it was all for nothing. I mean, I was only 15. I had made it pretty far, considering how young I was. I could feel my future slipping through my fingers. I thought it was all over."

    "So when you say your 'future,' do you mean your career? Like was being a singer always your goal?"

    "Yeah, I had wanted to be a singer ever since I was tiny. I would always perform songs for my par- my mom, so I guess you could say I started singing at a really young age. I'm sure there's hundreds of horrendous home videos of me somewhere," I scrunched my nose a little bit, trying to recover from my slip-up. "When I got cut on the X-Factor, I thought that I had lost my chance to do what I had always dreamed of doing. I mean, no one would have cared about 'the girl who almost won the X-Factor.' Even if I had somehow gotten another chance somewhere else, that's all I would have been. The girl who lost."

    "Makes sense. Tell me about when you got called onstage with the boys after getting cut."

    I smiled at the fond memory.

    "I was beyond confused. I had no idea what they wanted from us. I remember looking at Zayn specifically. He looked so scared! He was visibly shaking. I was thinking, 'Why do they want these boys?' And also, 'Why am I the only girl here? Boys are gross!'" I laughed. The interviewer still didn't even crack a smile. Jeez. Tough crowd.

    "Why do you think Simon made the decision to put you, a girl, in a boyband?"

    I bristled a little bit at the question, rolling some tension out of my neck.

    "Well, first of all, we're not a boyband. We're a band. And I still don't really know why I'm here, but I know that I deserve to be here. I earned my place; it wasn't just handed to me."

    The interviewer nodded dismissively. "Now tell me about that moment. When Simon told you that you six would be in a band together."

    "I honestly wish I could remember exactly what I was thinking, but honestly, I think I blacked out a little. All I remember was feeling just... ecstatic. Pure elation. We were all jumping and hugging and crying. I think we all realized just then that it wasn't over for us. It was only the beginning."