Stuck between love & revenge

Regrets

Kayla's POV

It's been a month since I friend zoned mason. We were getting too close. last time I did that was with MJ, and then he left the day of my 11th birthday.

A month Since I had that horrible nightmare that was sadly true.

It's been two months since my dad died.

And It's almost my birthday as well. In 9days

Well cheese balls.

"Hunny, what do you want for your birthday?" my mum asked for the hundredth time.

"My old life back, my family, my memories, my childhood."

"Will a new laptop be good?"

"Hmm, I guess."

I give up.

I give up on life, on myself, on my family and most of all, this world.

How am I meant to live knowing I killed my own father.

Mums worried. shes also getting suspicious.

I've been cutting.

Not deep. not deep enough to leave scares.

She's been asking why I have been wearing jumpers in summer. I just say I'm weird and I'm cold.

"I will be in my room if you want me."

I walked up into my room.

My room? can I even call it that?

I have nothing but my mother.

And still.

I can't even show that I love her.

I can't say it. I don't know why. it just isn't right.

She asked me the other day. I just ignored her.

I feel horrible, the fact that she knows it was my fault.

I didn't even realise I was about to cut until mason walked in.

"KAYLA!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

He walked up to me and threw the razor from my grip.

I just fell to the floor crying.

Crying cause I'm sad.

Crying cause I'm angry.

Crying cause I regret living and causing people pain.

"Your so lucky our parents went out. Now explain."

I could hear disappointment and anger in his voice.

"I do it because I deserve it, ok! I deserve everything. I'm a horrible person Mason! Could you live knowing you killed your own father! Then live on."

"Yes I could, because I have support, like what you have. your not alone Kayla, you have me, your mum, my parents, councillors and friends..."

"Huh? friends?! I have no friends, I only have you."

"You will always have me kayla, forever."

He came closer and kissed my forehead.

"Now, are you going to tell your mum or am I?"