Italian-American Mafia: Origin Story

8.

Persephone Pov

Darkness is what I'm used too, nothing can hurt or harm me while I succumb to it. It's becoming like second nature at this point.

It feels like I'm drowning in my own pain and no one can save me, not even myself. It seems like I'm suffocating but still breathing.

Some people are afraid of darkness or relatively anything that has to do with the dark, but I welcome it with open hands.

The darkness is my welcome home, I go to it when I'm getting beat half to death or just welcome it just because.

And just when I think I found forever darkness, there is always a light that appears before I can submerge any further.

Peeling my eyes open I was left on the floor with my battered and bruised body. I slowly stood up and limped back up stairs all the way to my room.

Once I get in there I go to the bathroom and turn on my shower, I strip out of my clothes and hop in.

The water cascade down my body and I have to be very careful on where I wash. I hiss out in pain when it reaches my back.

I can already feel the wounds starting to make themselves known. I wash my wounds and my body, than proceed to my routine.

Once I'm done I hop out and go into the medicine cabinet to get some ointment, peroxide, alcohol, and treatment.

I tend to my back wounds since those are the major wounds. I put a rag in my mouth and drenched my back with alcohol and peroxide.

I try so hard not to cry but I can't help to let tears escape from my eyes. Once the substances are all soaked up I put the treatment on my back.

After I do that I put the ointment on right after so it can heal faster. I then attended to my face and body and just put fading cream on my scars.

Once my wounds are attended to I got dressed in some sweats and sweatshirt with some furry socks.

I look in the mirror and all I see is a broken girl who wants to escape reality but can't.

She has so much to prove to everyone who hurt, betrayed, made fun of, or done anything remotely mean to her.

She wants to be powerful and let everyone know that she is a badass.

She wants to stop being tired and stop trying to make everything is fine when it's really not.

She wants to scream at the top of her lungs just so everyone can hear her pain.

She wants to stop letting darkness be her only friend and actually have some real ones.

She wants to stop having be put or beat down for somethings she can't control.

She just wants everything and everyone to go away so she doesn't have to deal with anything anymore.

She wants to have a life that's better than the one she has now.

And lastly she wants to have her peace. She doesn't want to always live in fear or doubt. She wants to have that first love relationship.

She wants to have kids and get married to a person who understands her.

She just wants happiness and to have your own happiness you have to start making some big choices in life.

All she wants is just to be happy and not have to worry about any or anyone.

I see tears coming into my eyes and this time I let them out. I let them fall for all the heartache the pain the stress I've gone through.

Why can't I just be normal and have a normal family with two loving parents.

Why can't I have that luxury to lean on someone who won't look at me with hatred.

Why can't I go to a trust worthy person and depend on them like others.

Why can't I just come home and not have to worry if I will make it alive the next day.

Why can't I just have one night of good rest without worrying or having nightmares.

Why can't I just die and then everyone will be happy that I'm dead.

It feels like I'm suffocating myself over and over every single FUCKING day and the only way out is if I'm gone.

But do I really want to take the easy way out?

Do I want to stop my life right here?

Do I want to let other people win?

It's always a battle with my thoughts and more tears are flowing down my cheeks.

My world is so fucked up but the only person that can make it less fucked up is me.

The only person standing between life and death is me.

So do I really want to pull that trigger?