Golden || H.S. ||

Chapter 5

It's 7:45pm by the time I finish the dinner that was sent to my room via room service. Today has been a big blur; I'm right back to feeling as numb as I did when I arrived. Whatever exciting feelings I had when I was around Harry turned into despair the minute I left him sitting in Ellie's. Those feelings then attached themselves to the tears that ran down my face off and on all day. Now I feel nothing. I'm empty and alone. I hate it.

It took me no more than 10 minutes to pack the personal belongings I've acquired since arriving here at the HALL. I took all of the complimentary items that I could get from the front desk when I got here, so crammed pretty tightly in my oversized denim backpack are my hotel toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, mini-sized brush, the freezer bag full of cash, my shoes, the sweats I wore here, the underwear I bought yesterday, and a few of the clothes I managed to pick up at Target today.

I bought two sets of pajamas, one that's a baby pink silk camisole set with a matching robe that stops at my mid-thigh, and one that has dark blue cotton pants and a plain white tank top. I decided on some black fuzzy slippers to wear with them. I also found a pair of faded ripped jeans and a black ribbed short-sleeved button up shirt that hugs my body.

It reminded me of the one Harry wore this morning.

The only things I couldn't pack were my dresses, so that's going to be a bitch to carry around on the bus. Still in the sage dress I've been in all day, I'm laying out my black converse, black underwear, jeans, and black top to wear on my travels tomorrow. When finished, I start to get ready for my shower, but then realize I already packed away my shower stuff.

Crap.

I take the toiletries I need back out of the backpack, grab my pink silk pajama set, and head to the bathroom for a shower. I purposefully avoid my reflection as I undress; I'm not happy with the girl I see right now.

She walked away from Harry.

After he practically begged her not to.

What an idiot.

But I don't really know anything about Harry, do I?

What if he's like him?

Fuck. Don't go there.

Lathering my long brown hair with shampoo, I close my eyes and see Harry's staring back at me. I see the way his green eyes looked at me, widened when I surprised or shocked him, full of humor and exasperation when I showed up drunk at his door, how they lit up when he talked about food, how they darkened when we touched... and how they hardened as I walked away.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I finish my shower angry with myself. It's better than the numbness, I suppose. I meet eyes with the girl in the mirror as I get dressed and scowl at her.

Bitch.

I brush my hair out, and get my toothbrush wet under the sink. I apply the toothpaste, wet the brush under the sink once more, and then stick it in my mouth to begin cleaning. While brushing, I walk back into the the room to slide on my slippers, and switch on the TV to distract myself from this deafening silence. Then, I make my way back to the bathroom to spit and rinse my mouth. I put on my deodorant, and then carry all of the toiletries in one trip, rather awkwardly, to the desk where my backpack and clothes for tomorrow are laying.

     Sitting up against the headboard of the bed, I stare blankly at the TV. My anger simmers, and I realize I'll probably need a drink to sleep peacefully tonight. I make my way to the mini fridge and pout when I don't find any tiny bottles.