✨mcyt oneshots✨

help me; foolsam

prompt: sam deals with self hatred and self harm and foolish finds out.

request: yes

tw: self harm, hate, mentions of weight, thoughts (if there's more, pls lmk)

it is a bit graphic, Im so sorry! 

pls dont read if it'll trigger you, I love you! <3

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sam couldn't look at himself in the mirror. if he did, the voices in his head would grow louder. he had been clean, haven't self harmed in several months. but for some reason, today was really bad for the tall dude. 

he laid under the covers, hoping, praying, that the voices would finally shut up. he didn't want to hurt himself again. he didn't want his boyfriend to find out and be disappointed in him. he rolled over to grab his phone to see if anyone texted him. 

nope. no-one cared. 

foolish was at the store, but in sam's state of mind, he forgot. he thought everyone hated him. it didn't help that he was being cancelled on twitter either. 

he got up to go to the bathroom, and when he saw himself in the mirror, he collapsed onto the ground. what he saw was a pale ugly person staring back at him. the eyes was red and puffy from crying, and he was fat. 

he sobbed into his hands, curled up into a ball on the floor of the bathroom. he couldn't breathe. every time he tried, it came out as a painful sob. he slowly came to his senses and grabbed a razor from the drawer. 

he began to cut some lines onto his wrist, like he used to do. the pain from the wrist took away the pain he has mentally. it felt nice. it hurt, but not as bad as the pain he felt internally. he heard the phone rings, but he ignored it. it was all the way in the bedroom anyway. 

that's when he heard the front door open, and a voice called out. 

"sam? I tried calling you to ask you if you can help me bring in the gorgeries?"

sam's eyes widened. "u-uh, im in the bathroom. give me a minute."

"okay!" 

sam cleaned himself up, and covered the scars with bandages and put on a hoodie. 

foolish didn't notice. 

as weeks passed by, sam went back into his bad habits. he know he shouldn't be doing this, but its the only way to help get rid of the voices. or at least make them shut up for a while. he know he should ask for help, but he didn't want to.

he didn't want foolish to leave him, to think he was a basket case, to think he was messed up in the head. 

so he kept it to himself. 

or at least he tried to. 

foolish eventually found out. he noticed how the t shirts became hoodies, and how the bathroom trips went from a couple minutes to like thirty minutes. he noticed how sam's eyes became red and puffy daily. 

sam tried to say it was allergies, but foolish knew better. he just didn't know how to bring it up. 

until one day, he told sam he was going to the store. he went out the front door, waited a couple minutes before going back in. the bathroom door was open. and he could see sam on the floor, cutting himself. 

foolish ran to the taller boy, and took him in his arms. 

"baby, why didn't you ask me for help?" he asked as sam sobbed. 

"im sorry, I didn't want you to be upset with me or break up with me." 

foolish frowned as he grabbed some washcloth and bandages. he cleaned the wounds and covered it. "I would never. you mean the world to me, and this isn't okay. its okay not to be okay, and if you need to talk, im here for you. that's my job as your boyfriend."

sam sniffed as he pulled foolish closer. "im sorry, I didn't know how to ask you for help."

"its okay, now cmon lets get your mind off of it. want to watch a movie and cuddle?"

sam nodded his head with a small smile, and the pair walked to the living room. while foolish grabbed snacks, sam looked for movies to watch. he decided on girl vs monster, and when foolish came back, the pair snuggled underneath a blanket. 

before they knew it, they fell asleep as 'had me@ hello' played in the background. 

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im so sorry for how long this took for me to write. i wasn't happy with how I wrote it, this is literally my sixth draft and im still not satisfied with it! but I really hope you enjoyed it regardless. 

and if you are struggling with self harm or mental health in general, im here for you! I know its hard to talk to someone, I do, but I love you guys, and you guys mean the world to me. im so grateful for you guys. 

have a great day/night, eat some food and drink some water if you haven't ! I love you guys <3