wolfstar oneshots

guilt

Sirius woke up with a dull pain in his chest.
He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was the ceiling of the hospital wing. He let his eyes roam over his surroundings and stopped at James face.
"Wha'appened?" He croaked out and James head shot in his direction.

"Oh hey, you're awake."

"Obvi." Sirius said jokingly and James smiled.
As if on cue Peter came out of madame pomfrey's office and sat down next to the bed.
"Hey padfood, how are you?"
"Good I guess, having a bit of a chest pain, what did she say?" He asked, pointing into the direction of the office.

"You have a broken arm and a few bruises, nothing too serious."
Peter explained and a smile crept on Sirius' face.
"Everything with me is Sirius."
Peter and James rolled their eyes in response and Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

"Where's moony?"
Peter and James shared a quick look and James cleared his throat awkwardly.
"He didn't take the whole situation too well- he feels really guilty."
"So he just didn't come here at all?" Sirius asked, sounding hurt.
Peter shrugged.
"Just talk to him when you get out, mate."

Sirius hummed and let his mind wander.

He didn't really remember anything that happened.
Remus transformed back and he was standing a bit close to him so when it happened he got hit.
After that things went black.
But it isn't like he was mad or something.
Turning into animagi and joining him every full moon was their decision and getting hurt during, was a risk they were all willing to take.

***

"We're off to dinner yeah?" Peter said.
He and James convinced Sirius to talk to remus as soon as possible so he was doing it now, while the other two were already leaving to eat.

"Yeah okay, we'll be there later."

They nodded and turned around the corner.
Sirius went through the portrait hole and looked around the common room.
Most people were already gone but a few were still sitting around the fire.
When they saw him, one of the girls immediately came up to him.

"Oh Sirius what happened to you?"

"We haven't seen you in two days what happened to your arm?"

He just stood there with wide eyes, but knowing what to say.
"Oh uhm- I just.. I fell down the stairs and hit my head pretty bad so- I got a concussion and broke my arm, nothing too bad." He said poorly and looked around.

He spotted remus at the end of the staircase, listening.
When their eyes met, remus darted back up the stairs and Sirius made his way through the people.
"Sorry guys I'll see you later." He muttered and jogged upstairs as well.

"Remus?" He called out when he reached their dorm but couldn't see him.

He felt stupid checking in the bathroom and under the beds but he did nonetheless.

A sniffle catched his attention and he turned his head in the direction from where it came.
He saw remus' sock- clad feet peaking out under James' invisibility cloak and another sniffle could be heard before the bundle of see through fabric moved a little.

He knew remus wasn't very good when it came to communication so he sat infront of the boy and crossed his legs.

"Hey rem." He said quietly and remus exhaled slowly.

"Hi."

"Why are you hiding from me."

He heard a quit sob and his feet disappeared under the material.
Sirius could see the image of remus cuddling his legs to his chest in his mind clearly.
"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry." Remys whispered and Sirius just wanted to hug him.

"I'm not mad at you, remus."

"You should be." He argued and Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.
"Look at me." He said and waited patiently until remus shook his head under the cloak, moving the material.

Sirius sighed and slowly pulled the cloak off of remus.
His face was a bit red from crying and he had a new cut at the underside of his jaw.

"I'm not mad at you." Sirius repeated.
"I'm aware of what I'm doing everytime I go into the shrieking shack with you. I chose to do this. You don't know what you're doing, it's okay." He said carefully, studying remus' face.

He wiped his cheeks, not meeting Sirius' eyes.
"I knew this time."

"What?"

"I was inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness. I was half wolf half me. I was almost done with transitioning and more clear headed.
I knew that I hurt you but I couldn't do anything about it. It was like someone else hurt you and I had to watch. It was so awful." He said, regret and hurt lacing his words.

Sirius didn't say anything, just sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sure that felt horrible." He said after a while. "But please know that I'm never ever mad at you. So please don't be mad at yourself. It's not your fault."

Remus turned his head to Sirius and looked into his eyes as if he wanted to see that he was saying the truth.

"I'm trying." He whispered and continued to study his face.
He stopped at his chin where a scar started to form.
"Hey." He said and carefully traced it with his finger. "I have the same one there."

Sirius smiled and cupped his face.
"Must be a sign." He spoke softly and remus smiled.
A big, crinkle eyed, room enlightening smile.
He hesitantly leaned closer but stopped suddenly as if he wanted Sirius to decide.

He just looked at him fondly and closed the gap between them, capturing the taller boy's lips with his.
They stayed like this for a few seconds, just eyes closed and lips touching until they slowly, carefully started to move their lips.
They didn't take it further and broke apart after a few moments and leaned their foreheads together.

"Wanted to do that since forever." Sirius confessed and remus chuckled.
"Yeah me too."

After a few more minutes, Sirius stood up and took remus' hand, intertwining their fingers.
"Let's go, m'hungry." 

Remus let himself be pulled up by Sirius and stretched his arms over his head. His back cracked and he winced before falling back into his normal posture.

"Sore back?" Sirius asked, rubbing his shoulders.
Remus nodded "Always." He said rolling his eyes.
"I can massage you if you want." Sirius suggested, looking flirtatious.
Remus snorted "as if you would willingly ever massage anyone."
"I would, you're just so irresistible."

Remus shook his head laughing and started to go down the stairs.
"Come on, dickhead, you're hungry, remember?" He said from the bottom of the stairs and Sirius grinned down on him before walking down too.

He will massage him later.
He will.