Love, Amelia

Unsavory

A couple of weeks have gone by since the whole Hunter and I debacle and within that time we have only talked a few times. I guess you could say a lot has happened. I ended up telling Owen about my pregnancy. He didn't take it so well, but that was to be expected. But we're okay now. I was okay. Actually, that was a lie. I wasn't. Despite all my physical changes, my heart was probably going to take the longest to heal. And I was tired of the pain. In my fantasy scenario, I was going to be the bad ass girl, the girl who was just your typical senior. No pregnancy, no drama, no problems. But in reality.... I had hundred of people talking crap about me.
My reality, without having my fantasy to look forward to, was being too hard to bear. But clearly, it was time to come to terms with the fact that what I wanted to happen and what was actually happening weren't going to be the same.

My day was off to an unfortunately bad start. Hunter said he wanted to be in my life and the babies, but as I saw another girl get out of his truck with him, I realised maybe he didn't want a relationship with me.... but to be just friends. And why would he want to be in a relationship with me? I was just a life ruiner. Doesn't get more unsavoury than that.
From the basic heart tattoo on her wrist to her shiny lipgloss, everything about her was cool. She was everything I wasn't and everything I wanted to be.

It was my head in the first place that made the choice to leave things with Hunter alone. But my heart....
.... my heart was still waiting for the chance that my head might.... re-think the whole thing.

Everything that was once simple was now a complicated mess. I liked Hunter. Hunter had a new girlfriend. I liked Josh. Josh is getting closer with Ava, even considering everything between me and Josh. But I like two people so i guess I can't talk. And Ava was now best friends with Ashley, who wanted me dead. It was hard to wrap my head around all this. I wanted to hang out with Hunter alone. And just when I thought that opportunity came up, Josh popped up. I hadn't seen Josh since our third date where we swapped a kiss. I felt so guilty.
"Josh! Hi." I start.
"Hey, where have you been lately? you seen distance." he replies.
"I know, I'm sorry. I've just been going through a lot." I state. My gaze meeting Hunters as he walks past.
"I understand. You have a lot on your plate with the pregnancy and all. Did you want to come over to mine later. Maybe we can talk about it?" he asks.
"Yeah, ok."
And with that we part ways.

I am so confused about what is happening to me. Don't get me wrong, I really like both Josh and Hunter but whenever I see Hunter a rush feeling of desire take over my body. What is happening to me? Am I falling for Hunter? When I think about my first kiss with Josh I always picture Hunter instead. Is this a sign that I have real feelings for Hunter or are these just the crazy teenage hormones talking?

Refocusing my attention was my current strategy. I was playing hard to get with a guy that was hard to get. It seemed to be working and I wasn't going to give in to Hunters sorry speech until I got some public attention. Even in private he was shutting me out. I was tired of being his Secret. Was it because he was embarrassed? Was it my stigma? I needed answers.