Ineffability

Karma

It was not a dark and stormy night. It was, in fact, a blissfully sunny, breezy spring morning when Jenna entered the kitchen, whistling "Spooky Mormon Hell Dream." She and Crowley didn't need to eat, nor were their appetites very potent, but the Celestern still enjoyed a nice fresh mango now and then. She took the biggest one out of the fridge and was about to miracle it peeled and sliced when she noticed two unexpected guests sitting at their kitchen table.

Jenna calmly blinked at their glowering faces, then smiled brilliantly. "Good morning, Your Disgraces. What can I do for you?"

Hastur continued to glare at her silently, but Ligur kept glancing nervously toward Crowley's study, in the doorway of which he had been temporarily destroyed with Holy Water not three years ago. Both demons had their respective grubby hands folded, fingers interlaced, on the nice clean table, and were leaning forward menacingly. Jenna briefly wondered why neither she nor Crowley had sensed their presence, but reminded herself that these were champion Lurkers, and thus could probably move undetected even by other occult (or ethereal, Jenna wasn't sure which one she was) beings.

"Ah, you must want Crowley," she said with twinkling eyes, finally breaking the long silence. "Just a second. Crowley!" Jenna called toward their bedroom. "Visitors!"

"Who, 's it Angel?" the serpent demon asked faintly. "Tell 'im we're busy, on our way to the thing!"

"No, not Zira, darling," she replied, glancing in a friendly manner at the dukes. "It's your old friends, Lords Hastur and Ligur!" The demons grimaced at being referred to as 'friends.' "They're here for you, I believe."

"Ugh, again?! Fucking--jus' tell 'em I'm not here."

"Will do!" Jenna winced apologetically at Hastur and Ligur. "I'm so sorry, he's out right now. Australia, I believe--Queen Vega sent him on an assignment. Won't be back for a few weeks, I'd quite forgotten--would you like me to take a message?" she asked brightly, the very picture of innocence.

Hastur's glare deepened, so much so that anyone but the Celestern would probably have screamed and ran in the opposite direction, while Ligur looked confused. "But--but didn't you just talk to him?" he asked, raising a finger and glancing toward where he'd heard his former colleague's voice only a minute before.

Hastur groaned and dropped his chalky face into his hands, shaking it hopelessly. "You idiot," he sighed defeatedly.

"Oh, that?" Jenna laughed musically. "No, that wasn't Crowley. Well, not the real him, anyway. He's working on his astral projection skills, you see--so the Crowley that's here is just a collection of energy. He can't leave the room either, or of course he'd come right out."

Jenna grinned toothily like a beauty contestant at Hastur, who glowered back with murderous hatred, while Ligur looked back and forth between the two perplexedly.

"I should have destroyed you in Hell last year," the frog demon growled through tightly clenched teeth.

Jenna laughed again, like a tinkling silver bell. "Oh, Hastur," she sighed, batting her eyelashes. "You never had a chance in Hell of killing me!"

Hastur's cold obsidian eyes flared with fury, but before he could say or do anything, Crowley called, "Are they gone yet, love? We don't wanna be late for the movie!"

"Almost, darling!" she replied sweetly without breaking eye contact with the duke.

"Well, they'd better do it soon, before the Holy Water defense activates!"

"Holy Water?!" squeaked Ligur, orange eyes filled with abject terror.

"Yes, I was just about to tell them that, sweetheart!" Jenna grinned widely at Ligur and confirmed, "The holiest, yes. In about--" she checked her phone "--two minutes, if I'm not mistaken."