Ineffability

Let Sleeping Sneks Lie

This chapter is for CrystalAris, who creatively asked if a Sharpie mustache drawn on Crowley's human form would show up on his snake form as well. Thank you for the great idea, credit goes to you!

Crowley loved to sleep. As a demon, he didn't technically need to, but he couldn't get enough of it; he even slept through most of the 19th century (though a fight with and subsequent estrangement from a certain principality may have influenced that decision as well). He was by nature very anxious, and sleep helped him both relax and escape from the stresses of Hell and humanity.

Crowley also tended to sleep very deeply. Jenna delighted in experimenting with how obnoxious she could be without waking him up: blasting Queen, banging nonsense on the piano, trying to throw popcorn into his open mouth as he snored, even dousing him in cold water once when they were late to meet Aziraphale at the opera. All the latter did was make him roll over onto his stomach and vaguely mutter about ducks in top hats. Needless to say, Jenna and Aziraphale saw "Tosca" without him.

Given this information, what transpired on April 4, 2022 really should have come as no surprise to anyone.

"Jenna, where's Crowley?" Adam asked the Celestern, taking his phone out of his pocket. "I want to show him a picture of something we found in the woods last week."

"Oh, that dead thing?" Pepper asked, looking up from the book Aziraphale had given her. "Yeah, we think it might be from Hell. It had, like, three heads and a spiky tail," she explained to Jenna, who nodded as if what the teenager had said was completely ordinary.

"Yep, sounds Hellish to me," she replied, looking around for her boyfriend. "That's a good question, Adam--I haven't seen him for a while--"

"Oh, he's in the garden, dear," Mrs. Shadwell, nee Tracey, informed her from the porch, where she sat discussing the Arcana with Anathema. "Having a rest. Poor dear tired himself out a bit, erm.....encouraging....the flowers to bloom a bit better...."

Jenna, Anathema and Mrs. Young chuckled at the medium's euphemism. "Yes, I'm sure he did," Jenna replied, smiling widely. "Feel free to see if he's awake, Adam. If not, you can show him later."

"Why can't we just wake him up?" Pepper asked, closing her book and frowning. "He has to wake up soon for dinner anyway, right Anathema?"

The young woman nodded. "Yeah, they'd better wake him up, Jen," she said to her friend. "He'd hate to miss the wine, at least."

Jenna shrugged at Pepper and Adam, then sipped her lemonade. "Be my guest. I've tried everything short of stabbing him with a knife to wake him up, but nothing works. If Crowley's weird little body doesn't want to wake up, it will not."

"We'll see about that," replied Pepper darkly, turning on her heel and marching toward the garden behind Jasmine Cottage. Adam shrugged at the women, then followed suit.

~15 minutes later~

"Where's Crowley?" Newt asked Jenna as his wife helped transfer the food he'd prepared from the kitchen to the dining table. "We got that Sauvignon Blanc he likes, plus some eggs if he's feeling peckish--"

Jenna smiled gratefully at the kind man. "Thank you Newt, I'm sure he'll appreciate that. Um...." The Celestern looked around curiously. "I figured he'd be here by now--oh, hey Adam! Did you find him?"

Adam nodded, face red and lips twitching. "Uh, yeah, Pepper did. We, um--"

"He was asleep and we couldn't wake him," Pepper interrupted suddenly, glaring at the former Antichrist. "We'll just show him later. C'mon, Adam." She dragged him over to Brian and Wensleydale, near the other end of the table.