Meant to be?

15. The Leap

Janna Sofia Carter

"You look like hell." Was the first thing Jasmine uttered when she saw me trudging my way to my locker.

Well she was right because I do look like hell with my puffy eyes plus the bags under my eyes that I've tried so hard to mask with my concealer but to no avail. I feel like hell too. Which pretty much summed up that I pretty much came from hell.

A week ago since my fight with Harry. Three days ago after news broke out that Zayn Malik quit the band and up until.now, everything just felt so unreal.

Harry Styles like me. Zayn Malik quit the band and I dumped Harry Styles.

Even from a perspective of someone who writes fanfictions, it was pretty messy and fucked up.

I wish I could tell you I was living a normal life again now that One Direction had been out of the country with their tour again but it didn't. Nothing even changed and now it was worse because now I can't even look at the picture of Harry without having to imagine the look on his face when he beg me to give him a chance.

It was the fear that led me to the descision to say no. A no, not just for me but for him as well because let's face it, Harry Styles with a girl just screams hate in every single angle you can think of. It was unavoidable.

Every celebrities goes through gossip articles and such but having Harry Styles on a relationship was not a joke. Every relationship he had ever had ever since his career, it all comes down to a very big break-up and I knew this because I'm not just a fan of them for nothing.

I was scared that if ever we try to be together, the same thing would happen to us and I, for sure, would lose Harry, for good.

I knew what it was like to have Harry and I can't lose him just because of our mutual feelings for each other.

Call me masochist, coward, stupid, any names and I'd accept them. I knew I was it but you can't blame me for it.

I can't lose him. Not like this.

"For Christ sake Janna what is wrong with you?" I heard Jasmine sighed in exasperation and I knew that I got distracted again.

School used to be one of the places that even distraction can't reach me but apparently, Harry had been more of a bigger distraction that I would anticipate to be.

It was about the last period of the day and I couldn't remember what I had done for the past hours.

"I'm fine." I answered her mechanically. It was the default answer to their questions anyway. The answer that would stop then from asking more questions.

Everyone had been worrying about me. What had happen to that bubbly little girl and what everyone didn't know was that I was the one who made this to me.

I pushed Harry away. It was all my fault.

"You're not fine Janna, I mean it's been a week and... he hasn't contacted you since then." Jasmine said softly. I could feel her steady gaze on my face, gauging my reaction.

I must have visibly flinch at the mere word of him because I saw Jasmine's face etched of one in concern.

It has been a week and up until now, I'm not gonna lie but I was still wishing that somehow, someway, he'd still continue pursuing me. I want him to wait for me at our doorstep to open up the door and he'd be there hugging me and telling me he loves me and he can't let me go and I'd take the leap and we'd be happy.

It was a dangerous fantasy because expectations often lead to assuming things and assuming things will lead to dissapointment... and regret.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts of all the things that was inside my head. Focus. "I'm fine. He - flinched- he just needs time with Zayn gone-"