THAT SECRETARY

eleven

"what the hell did you say?" he hisses with furrowed eyebrows and clenched tightly on my collar.

i gulp at the sudden attack but i know there's no way out anymore.

"i like him. i really really do like him."

he pushes me harshly before grabbing his hair in frustration. then he looks over his shoulder to see me and groan.

"you like my brother?"

"i do." i said with determined voice. "i like everything about him. i like his smiles. i like his eyes. i love the way he talks. i love everything about him and... i love haechan."

the last part is the biggest part of why i like donghyuck so much. because he bore the child and gave me happiness even without me knowing it at first and without him knowing as well. haechan is a good ray of sunshine and through the baby, i've come to know donghyuck deeper.

"i think... i'm so close to loving him already. damn! i don't know. everything's circling about him and i always feel empty without him!" i grab my hair in frustration. "i'm going crazy..."

"fuck you!"

"i'll take that. i'll take everything that you'll say, but..." i said it with small voice, too small that i even wonder if it's really me who's talking. oh god, the things i do for him.

"i want to be with your brother."

that was it. after a long and heavy breathing, after a fast marathon of my heart beating, my body collapses on my desk. i've finally let him know.

"let me get this straight..." he says and warned me with his pointing finger. "you like my brother, everything about him, and now... you want to be with him? in what way?"

"way? f-fuck. be his... lover. be his boyfriend. i don't know! i want to own him." i panic and walk at the same pace over and over.

"and why are you telling me this? why don't you go ask him?" he crosses both arms in his chest and raised a brow.

"i can't. whenever i think of it, i think like i'll collapse. and f-fuck, i know that i can't take him without you knowing. i wanted to... win you before winning him."

"tell me then..."

"tell you what?" i hiss in nervousness but he kept his blank face.

"donghyuck has a lot of stories to tell. he has dark history. donghyuck... the baby that he is... has gone through a lot, totally a lot. and if you're just an addition to that... i'd rather kill you right here and right now. so tell me, are your motives clean and clear?"

in the few sentences that he gave me, my mind lingers around the fact that he said donghyuck has dark past. most probably it includes haechan's biological father.

"what happened to him?"

he backs away with a sigh and a defeated look on his face. he placed his hands inside his pockets and look back to me.

"i don't think i'm in the position to tell you that. donghyuck hates it."

i know.

"you can ask him but only if he opens up. if you happen to force the shit out of him, then remember this mark lee, you will never see tomorrow again."

i gulp. he's scary but my determination to win donghyuck is stronger.

"my motives are clean. i like donghyuck. i like his child."

"what are you going to do now?"

i stayed silent as i don't know what to answer. what should i do now after telling johnny my motives for his brother? ask donghyuck out? date him? confess? ask him to be my boyfriend right away? or keep this in and wait until he has fully opened up to me and tell him when i'm already sure that he feels the same way as i do.