THAT SECRETARY

thirty one

“i'm sorry…”

gently, i scooped him in my arms and place his head on my shoulders as i felt him wrap his legs around my waist.

just like the last time, i don't want him to mention it for now. i know he's tired and confused, probably shocked as well because of what just happened between us. i just hope we'd get to talk about it tomorrow.

“let's take a quick shower.” i said it in a shushed voiced but it ended up being a low one.

i opened the door that i just supposed was a bathroom and immediately went inside it. my guess didn't fail though, it's really their bathroom.

i placed him down carefully and turn on the shower, checking the temperature first before wiping donghyuck off with the water.

“this is… an ugly bruise love.” i commented when his scar that i saw earlier was revealed into the bright light.

“it was from when… yukhei stabbed me—” he held it with his hands and cover it up.

“you don't have to.” i pecked his lips. “you're beautiful, even with that ugly scars. and even with your dark past. i love you and i'm sorry because that happened. you did not deserve that.”

i never failed to notice how his glimmering tears fall. i knew what to do in that moment, to keep him close and make him feel loved.

“don't cry…” i shushed him even if i was aware that my own tears are already falling as well. he only grabbed my waist and hugged me tighter.

“oh god, we should stop crying…” i laughed and wiped down both our tears before grabbing the rag behind him and washing him with it gently.

“let me do it for you, love.” he said in a small voice and clean me up with the rug. i just stared into his face while he kept on cleaning me and even washed my hair for me. the bubbles that he got from my hair, he placed it on my chin and laughed at it.

“santa claus…” he giggled and play with it for a moment.

“i missed you.” i breathe out all of a sudden and it also made him halt his movements. “i missed you so much.”

“i missed you too, very much.” he sighed and engulfed me in his warmth inside the shower.

“what if this isn't true?” i started imagining. “what if i wake up and you're not really here? that none of these really happened?”

“please don't think like that, because i might think about it too and i will cry. i don't want this to be an imagination. i want this to be true.” he replied as we clean our body off with water.

by hearing his pleading voice, i started accepting this truth. i am here with him, and he is here with me as well. i'll hold on to this fact and will never ever let this go again.

he pulled me towards the sink and grabbed a new set of toothbrush. he put generous amount of toothpaste in it before making me face him.

“channie said, daddy is bad breath.” he chuckled before he made me open my mouth. “you've been drinking alcohol. channie hates that…”

i pushed his hands away. “i'm sorry. i needed something to forget the pain.”

he sighed as i clean my mouth with water.

“love…” i wrapped an arm around his waist and carried him on top of the sink, making him whimper. “oh shit, i'm sorry! does it hurt down there?”

“no… it doesn't hurt—”

“you're hurt! don't lie!” i placed him again on the floor and rub his back for him. “i'm really sorry, i forgot…”