THAT SECRETARY

thirty

with only my bare foor and nothing else, i walked towards the guardhouse before our village and try to get some taxi, i didn't even realized that i didn't bring any money with me and it's not like i can because my money was stolen.

the taxi driver left me halfway through when he knew i can't pay anything but that was not of my concern right, i just need to go to donghyuck and channie.

my foot started to bleed all the way to donghyuck's house but i don't mind. what i feel right now is nothing compared to what he felt. i can't even bear to imagine the pain that he's been through when i wasn't there with him.

i knocked on his door carefully with my quivering hands and when it opened i felt my whole word crumble.

“d-dawddy?”

“chan— channie…” i cried loudly and immediately grabbed him from the floor to give him the warmest hug i could even give.

even this is not enough to make up for the days that i wasn't able to see him.

“papa! daddy's hew!” he shouted and giggled, and it did made my heart melt.

“i'm here baby… oh god, i missed you so much.” i breathe out on his neck and kissed his forehead.

“daddy…” he giggles and wrapped his short legs around my chest. “i missed you too, daddy. channie, papa and daddy is wuv!”

he's cute, but what he said made my heart bleed as well. if only i did this sooner and if only i have the courage.

“daddy…” he kissed my lips. “how is daddy? why is daddy, cwy? why is daddy sweaty? daddy… you dwink alcohol? you smell so bad!”

it made me chuckle and pepper him with soft kisses on his cheeks. i don't even recall taking a shower. i probably smell so bad right now and i know donghyuck would hate it.

“i'm sorry channie… daddy hasn't taken a bath and didn't brush his teeth yet.” i chortle and hugged him again.

“where's papa, baby?”

“papa is bath, then channie is finish bath.” he kissed my lips again. “ew, daddy is so bad breath.”

i laughed even louder while he wiped the tears off of my face. even using his small hands he was able to do that and heal my heart, as well.

even if his papa and my relationship didn't end well, i would still love him to be my real child. i love channie more than everything as much as i love his papa.

“daddy, take a bath daddy…”

“i have to talk to papa, first.” i sniffled and knock on the door once again.

“donghyuck?” my voice and heart broke. “hyuck?”

“m-mark?” he gasped, making my tears flow freely just by him saying my name.

oh god. here you are, love.

“what— why are you here? what are you doing here?” he hissed while wrapping his body with his robe. i'm sure he just got out from the shower since his hair is damp.

“papa… dawddy is hew now!” channie clapped his hands. “but daddy needs bath…” he pouts and if i had the clear mind i could've laughed out loud.

“daddy, let's play.”

“mark, what are you here for?” donghyuck asked, almost as if he's alright and nothing's wrong when we both know there is.

but, i know my limits. i know that i can't talk about it when channie's here. i respect his wants to leave channie out of every argument and as much as i want to point everything out in a conversation right now, i can't.