Woman |h.s|

Chapter 28

Sawyer

I was born sick, but I hate it.

Hate it.

Harry did you mean to say that?

"Command me to be well. A-amen, amen amen. Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death." He continues to sing.

I can feel myself losing focus on the band as I hyper-focus on Harry's lyric change. To the average person they would never notice, it would simply slip past their mind. But the thing is Harry knows I like this song, it was on the damn playlist he made. How could I not notice? How could I not see the pain in his eyes as he sang? I'm not some average person seeing Medicine play, I'm literally Harry's girlfriend.

Wait, am I Harry's girlfriend? I don't even know at this point. That's a conversion for another day. Right now I need to get through the rest of this concert without having an anxiety attack over why Harry feels this way.

I was born sick but I hate it.

The rest of the show goes by in a blur. I was in such a haze that I didn't even notice everyone around me begin to move away from the stage and towards the door. As I weave through the remaining crowd in order to get backstage, I feel my eyes begin to water. I couldn't tell you why I feel so much emotion over a stupid lyric change but I just do. It physically hurts me that he hates something about himself. I know it wasn't a slip up. The emotion behind his eyes was too real.

I know that emotion all too well.

I run through the hallways and finally find Harry's dressing room. Before I enter I take a deep breath and knock twice.

"Come in." I hear him say through the door.

Quickly I wipe away the tear running down my face and put on a smile. I can't have this conversation here. It has to wait till we get back to his place or mine.

"Oh hey it's you! What did you think-." Harry stops talking immediately when he looks into my eyes. "What's wrong Sawyer? Is everything okay? Did something happen?" He rushes over to me and grabs ahold of my hands.

"Nothings wrong, Harry. The show was great. You guys did really well." I lie straight through my teeth.

"Don't lie to me sweet girl. Your eyes are bloodshot red and I can just tell something is wrong. Please tell me so I can fix it or try to fix it. I don't like it when you're sad love."

I stare down at my feet not wanting to make eye contact with his big green eyes. "I don't really want to talk about this here. Um, we can do it later."

"Sawyer, we are talking about this right now. Whatever is bothering you please tell me. I can't make you feel better unless you tell me." He insists.

I guess I'm doing this now then.

I remove my hands from his and begin fiddling my rings out of habit. It helps calm me down. And trust me, I need to be calm and less emotional for this conversation.

"It's just that you sang something and it bothered me. You sang 'I hate it' instead of 'I love it.' I've listened to that album enough to know the lyrics Harry. And please don't tell me it was a slip up because I saw your eyes. The way you looked at me, it just made my stomach tie into knots." I say with tears rolling down my cheeks. "Harry, please tell me what you meant. I know I shouldn't care this much but I do. I just need to know."

I stop my rant and take a deep breath before I start to hyperventilate. I hate that I'm getting this worked up in front of him, I don't want him to think I'm some pathetic emotional girl.