wordcount : 1075
TW : <3
CW : flashback (degradation + manipulation)
SAPNAP'S POV
I sat uncomfortably in Clay's living room, alone. The boys were trying to explain the situation to Clay's Mum what was going on, Alex seemed scared of me. I was scared of him. I was scared of everyone here. I was scared of everyone in general, in the past few years, I have learnt not to trust anyone. I learnt to keep my mouth shut, whatever I said was wrong. I'm dumb. I don't know anything. I look up when I hear footsteps, Clay's Mum walks in and sits in the chair across from me.
"Hey sweetie, my name is Marisa," she said with an unsettling, fake smile, she seemed like perfect Mum from a movie, I probably saw years ago.
"Can you tell me your name?" I shake my head and she lets out a sigh.
The boys come back in, a plate in Karl's hand, there was a lot of food on it, I had barely eaten in years. This should make me happy. I should be happy that I have a good plate of food in front of me, its not in a bowl on the ground, i'm not tied up being dragged around. I'm not being filmed and humiliated in front of a bunch of grown men. It was scary. The idea of food just reminded me of being degraded and treated like a dog.
There you go. Good boy. Just a dumb mutt isn't he, no thoughts behind those eyes, huh?
"Pandas?" I look up from my hands and see Clay smiling in front of the rest of the boys. Karl sat beside me, not too close he seemed aware of my limits and he placed the plate on my lap. A blueberry muffin, sandwich and chopped up apple, peanut butter spread across the side of the plate. I look back up to Clay, he looked at his Mum,
"I'm going to call Diane, she works in child abuse cases like these," Clay nods and soon enough all the boys are sitting around me in uncomfortable silence. She stands and pulled her phone from her pocket and left the room, clearly worried. My eyes trail around the room, I notice the blanket. I was cold, the grey blanket hung over the side of the couch, my eyes trail back to Clay, he looked to see where I had been looking and immediately stood and took the blanket into his arms.
"Pandas want to shower?" Clay asked me, I looked up, I had stopped eating, I had half the muffin and a a few bites of the sandwich.
I look at him, I didn't like showers, they stung. When they did let me shower, it was painful, freezing and only for their pleasure. I just keep my eye contact with him,
"it might be nice? And we will get you some warm clothes from Clay?" Karl said, not too loudly, I nod. Clean, warm clothes sounded like the best thing i'd heard in years.
"George, Alex, find a movie we can watch, we will be half hour, okay?" they nodded, Karl stood, I copied him.
"Come on," Clay said, an awkward smile on his face, the braces covering his teeth stood out immensely. I followed the two boys upstairs and into a room that reminded me of my old one. They went into the closet, I looked around, his bed was unmade, sheets falling off the edge.
"Here, i'll grab you a towel as well," he hands the stack of clothes to Karl who kept them close, I was still in his jacket, I was so cold.
Clay left the room, through the doorway I saw him opening a cupboard in the hallway, taking a towel. He came back and opened a door in his room, a bathroom.
"here, take all the time you need,"
"Shampoo and conditioner, and that bottle is the soap, okay?"
He taught me how to use the shower before leaving.
Under the water! There, see how pretty he is when he is obedient. Aw is it cold? But you look so pretty when your in pain.
Tears streamed down my face, I covered my mouth to keep the sobs muffled, I start to make the shower hotter. I hadn't had a warm shower in what seemed like forever, water poured over my face, my lip stung but it felt so nice.
I look down at the shampoo and conditioner,
I pump some into my palm and start to massage it into my scalp, then conditioner.
I clean my entire body with soap, my back ached. After a while of standing in the water I turn it off.
"How was it?" I smile softly and nod at Karl, he stayed, he waited on Clay's bed, I hold the towel close to me,
"leave that on the desk," he says, I walk towards the cluttered desk and put down my dirty clothes and towel on the table. I look up at Karl, he smiled at me,
"there are some people downstairs to talk to you, is that okay with you?" I nodded. He stood up fixing his hair, his hair looked so soft.
"Come on then," he stood and I waited for him to leave the room so I could just follow behind him, I followed him, constantly pulling Clay's jumper to sit further down my thighs.
"Honey we have to know your name." The women said softly, I looked over to Karl, he was standing against the wall with the other boys, he smiled at me softly. He tilted his head back towards the 5 people sitting on the couch opposite me, I look back at them. I want to tell them but I'm scared.
Look at me. I said look at me! see when you listen I don't yell. You don't tell anyone anything. I'm sick of you. Don't talk to anyone. I'll find out. I'll always find out. You would've been so perfect if you were pretty and skinny. Nobody wants you anymore. You count to 100 before you move. Got it?
"Pandas? Pandas?" I look up, Dream was trying to draw back my attention, I look back at the people questioning me.
"How about he stays with us and we'll try this again in a few days, I think it's too much for one day," Clay's Mum said. The people nodded and stood,
"your safe here, bud" a man said.
YOU ARE READING
Losing Hope.
Fanfiction[KARLNAP] Kidnapped for years and finding his way to a small town in which 4 young boys take him in and help him find his way home. Sapnap's home safe, his mother's sick and short on money. After years he still writes letters to the boys, getting 4...
