Scar

The night and the moon

The snow falls as we exit. A small bandaid is taped over the slice on my palm. I hug it so no one can see, just like my alpha has told me. It would look strange, he had said and I had agreed. What would the survivors think if the dark one's mate was hurt just before his own ceremony? 

The entire pack, both new and old are gathered under the protection of a tent roof but the place where the alpha waits for us is open. They all turn to look at me and the dark one as we make our way towards the alpha. 

Slowly the little snowflakes dwadle down through the air. It's so thick it makes the world around us go silent. Everything is snow. Everyone is quiet. Even the cubs stare at us withuout making a fuss. Their little eyes are shiny with wonder. Like mine was on that fateful night. 

My heart feels heavy, as if I'm carrying something that is frozen in a thick slab of ice. It's so heavy I can hardly walk. But I do walk. My feet move over the trampled snow, now slick and smooth under my shoes. Alpha seems to be far away and my heartbeat raises as I struggle to get air. The thick cold makes it hard to inhale and Scar's demonic presence next to me is enough to paralyze me. 

Yet I walk. 

Because I must. 

"They look like the night and the moon" a small voice whispers. I sense Scar's reaction before I see it. His head turns to the little cub to say something nasty or glare at it. My hand find his arm and I snake my hand around it to keep him walking forward. 

I just need this to be over.

As if a life time of fear could be prevented by a single promise they all wait for us to say the words. We stand in front of our alpha, snow raining, hearts panicking and wishing for nothing more than this moment to be over. 

"This has never been a bond like any other" Simon starts. 

I raise my gaze from the ground. Curious eyes are locked on us. Many of them sceptic. I blink the snow away from my eyelashes. 

"It was not fated as all mates are, but mercifully bestowed on a dark wolf to complete his heart and make it full" Simon continues. The thick snowfall makes the sky look grey. 

I glance at Scar. His fixed look today is beautiful in a dark and grim way, and I am unable to deny that he is handsome. The scar on his left side does nothing but increase his beauty. 

Perhaps I was bestowed on him by the moon to bring out the love in him... But if so, I have failed. Haven't I?

"The bond is a curious thing. We think it absolute and unbreakable but in truth it is frail and needy. To go against our savage natures and nurture such a bond is a feat worthy of admiration. But I believe that it is because we can put our savage side apart, that we are granted such a bond" Simon says. 

The heavy ice inside me makes my breathing shaky. I try to stand tall and proud in front of my pack, but all there is inside me is shame and lies. It is cruel that I can still feel him. That sensing his heartbeat next to me is enough to make it easier to breathe. 

Even though he has no love for me. 

"We are lucky to witness such a rare and beautiful bond. We should all learn from them to treat our mates with such care and devotion, for it is not a garantee for all to even have one" Simon claims and gestures to Scar. 

My hands feel sweaty even though they are so cold they are turning white. It hurts in ways I didn't think possible to hear my alpha talk about my bond. I don't know if Simon understands that these lies aren't lies at all. 

They should be true. This should all be true. 

"It is with great reverence that I have witnessed how Cassian has cared for his young mate since their bond was formed ten years ago. And it is with happiness that I have seen Elmer bring out softness and love in my uncle" Simon proclaims. 

I have to bite back the tears. His lies hit dead on in all the places where it hurts the most. How can he say this as if it was true? How can he tell these lies as if it was the best thing that could have happened when it never did. When he, or anyone else, never cared if it did. 

I'm being cruel now. I know that I am. Maybe he was too scared, maybe they were all too sacared to go against Scar. But the way that they left me to his evil still takes my breath away. I struggle for air and the grey sky seems to come closer. 

"They are both remarkable wolves and their love is nothing less" 

Even a single breath is not allowed me. The wold seems to move in a curved direction, rotating slowly and swallowing me in a kaleidoscope of falling snow. The ice in my chest grows heavier; I feel it ease into my blood, spreading like a dull ache. 

"Let us celebrate their bond, even though it is unusual!" Simon calls out happily.

My eyes land on Scar and even though the whole world is spinning in the wrong direction I can feel him. I can feel his heartbeat. 

Isn't that way too cruel? 

And in that moment I break apart. The tears flow over.  

"Let us celebrate their love!" Simon chants finally and I am embraced by my mate. His arms catch me as if he already knew I was falling. He holds me against him and lets me draw a few shaky breaths against his chest. Against his chest that smells like everyhting I love. 

Just when I feel like the world has stopped moving he releases me, grabs my head and kisses me as if he has been waiting to do so for a decade. His lips against mine feel like every dream I've ever dreamt and every fantasy I've ever had. When they leave me I'm unsure of how much of my resistance he has taken. 

My eyes are red. Others are already crying. We go into the crowd and thank people for congratulationg us. Most of them touch me, some dare take Cassians hand. 

"Your alpha has a way with words." 

I look up to find Nala's hand on my shoulder. Her purple gown glows against her dark skin. 

"Yes" I say stupidly, numb and slow in more ways than I usually am. 

"Well, it was a beautiful ceremony" she says with a sigh as if she was hoping to get some other kind of answer from me. 

"Yes" I repeat daftly and she gives me a polite smile and then disappears among the rest of the well wishers.