Scar

Sunrise colors

Elmer's POV

There is something eternal about those quiet mornings. Times moves yet this moment feels so still. The soft light of the sun slowly rising over the snow is beautiful in that eternal way that makes me think it could stay like that forever. Painting my world in sunrise colors forever. 

I turn my head away from the glittering morning snow and let my hand play with the dark hair of my mate. In the morning light the smooth strands look warm and his sleepy features resembles that of Matthew's. I remember the face of the beloved alpha with warmth yet he can not have been as beautiful as Cassian. My mate murmurs and caresses my arm. 

We aren't very good at talking, still. I tell him what I want and he tells me what he fears. But telling each other how we love one another is still too difficult. So I smile at him and let my fingers smooth over his cheek instead. 

It should be impossible for us to be mates. And even more impossible for our bond to survive all the hurt Cassian put me through. But maybe it is true that the moon loves him too much to make him alone. Or maybe we were just fools, hoping for love and forgiveness in all the wrong places. 

No matter what is true I know as I look at him that I am not alone, and that even though I will never be able to forgive him I will still find a way to live. I realize, as my dry lips meets his warm ones, that any reason to stay alive is a good one. There is no guarantee that this will make me happy in the end. If we were humans this would have been different. There would have been no bond, no reason to be together. Wolves are different. The Moon controls us and we live by different rules. If I were human I would have left him. But I am glad I am not.  

His is a dark one and I have a pull to the dark that I had before I ever met him. We are both wrong even though only one of us is evil. The other will always see him that way, even with the darkness sealed away. 

The sun has made its way over the sky and no new snow has fallen. As we pull up to the alpha's house it is late afternoon. The cubs are playing in the snow outside under Dana's watchful eye. A tall, slim man exits the house and hurries to her. He tells her something that makes her laugh. 

"Hi, Dana" I greet her. 

The kids keep a distance to Cassian as they herd to Dana and her mate. 

"Hello, how was the honeymoon?" she asks. 

"Warm" I joke, unsure of where I got it from. A smile tugs on my lips. 

"I bet" she muses with a hearty smile. "This is Ron." 

He reaches a long arm out to shake mine and I take it with minimal touching. 

"Nice to meet you."

"You too." 

"Well, didn't you two have a lot to say" she laughs. 

"Let's talk later, just you and me, and I'll tell you a lot of things" I suggest to my own surprise. 

"Absolutely!" she chimes and pats her mate on the arm. 

Me and Cassian head inside and the chilly air is replaced by the warmth of a big family gathered in one room. The smell of food and drinks makes the air saivory and the murmur of many voices blend to a soft rumble. Another cub whirls past us through the door and out into the snow. It almost makes me smile. 

"Elmer" my dad calls from the sofa. He is sitting next to Cassians mother with a cup of coffee in his hands. 

"Dad! Hi!" I light up and hug him. 

From my father's embrace I see Simon talking to Nala over by the fireplace and just like Dana said there seems to be something there. His face softens in a way that it rarely does and she keeps his focus unlike anything ever has. I hope for both of their sakes that whatever they have will grow in it's own pace, unlike my bond. 

But then again, love never really does what we want it to. 

And so I find myself in one of those bright, eternal moments again. The crackling fire and the warmth of the people make time stop. It is all so good, even though few of these people really know me or accept me, they have a chance to now. It is imperfect and scary yet I am not alone even though the people who loves me aren't perfect either. Somehow all this is enough to make glad that I survived to know it, to live this moment. 

Thank you, Moon Godess. I hate you so fuking much. 

With that thought I talk to my dad about the food, thank Simon for dropping of my bag, kiss my mate when we finally become alone and whisper to him that I hope my heat comes again soon. 

The end 

Little demons, I want to point out that this is a work of fiction and that though I draw on motives from reality this story does not reflect a healty and normal relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship or feel unsafe with the person you are with tell someone. There is also help to be found online and there are hotlines to call that are open 24/7. Get help. It can always get better. You are never lost.