I stare at Cassian who is louring at the alpha. The young wolf seems unaffected but I'm still scared that a fight might break out at any second. Cassian fighting the alpha would be an absolute worst case scenario. I'm pretty good at imagining those.
We're standing in the foot deep snow at the back of the pack house, next to the green house. The alpha is pointing out how things will be arranged for the celebration. Cassian's stare gets worse and worse for every thing he points out. To top it all off it's snowing again and I'm staring to get cold even in my thick sweater.
In a stupid attempt to show Simon how Scar is I place my hand softly on his arm. The dark hair flings as he flings his face towards me. The glare is every bit as intense against me as it is against the alpha. I handle it way worse, shrinking in on myslef like a small bug about to get trampled.
"M-maybe it's time to head back inside?" I suggest studdering, my bravery wavering. "I'm getting cold."
Cassian looks at me like he can't believe I would bother him with information about my wellbeing, but the young alpha gives him a scoldering look that makes my mate angrily take off his jacket and shove it into my arms. He sighs as is he would rather tare us all to bits, but turns back to the apha who clears his throat before continuing. Great. He is even angrier and the alpha did't notice a thing.
"I will hold a short speach and then give you my blessing, and then you will kiss. After that there will be music and dancing. After a dance you may go around and talk to the packmembers. Remember to try to make the newcomers feel welcomed" the alpha explains.
Cassian's look has turned to steel and I move myself so that I stand closer to the alpha just in case. I'm truly terrified of what would happen if he lost control. But this is exactly what Dana said... That I shouldn't treat him the way everyone else does.
Maybe he also just wants affection?
When the alpha leaves to inform the others of what needs to be done, I take another chance to try. I guard my little heart knowing how he will respond.
"Are you OK? I know it's a little overwhelming..." I ask him with my horrible, mousy voce but he just glares at me as if I was mere roadkill.
"This is all a waste of time. No one..." he cut's himself off but I can tell what he doesn't want to say out loud. My nails dig into my palm. "But I guess I should have known that Matthews kid would be just like him" he scoffs and looks at me. "And you. This is all... unneccessary" he mutters angrily. I can tell he was about to say that it's all my fault, but I'm glad he didn't, because that would have broken me.
He doesn't raise his hand or even move, just his agritated stare is enough to make me flinch. He gives me a look of pure hatred and then leaves. I shrink in on myself as if I could get any smaller. What he feels for me cannot be love. It couldn't be. If this is love than I would rather be without it.
A lonely drop trickle from my wet, reddened eyes and fall unnoticed to the snow. Funny, that I can stand here in the middle of all these wolves, in the middle of my pack, and they still don't see me.
The rest of the day I'm ushered between Sarah, the alpha's grandmother, the alpha himself and Dana. Clothes are fitted and music is selected. Dana even plans the cake accoring to the winter season. She is kind enough to ask me if I like vanilla and pear but I know it's just to make me feel better.
At some point much too late in the day the alpha tells me to go eat something. I'm guessing I look as faint as I feel but I can't even think of food so I just sneak up to our usual room.
It's empty. A sigh of relief escapes me before I collapse against the door. I sit there breathing in the dark. It's going to be over soon. I just have to survive this. Soon it'll be back to normal. Back to fleeing home the second I get the chance and hoping that I see as little of him as possible.
It's so cruel to have to celebrate this lie. Does anyone care that it isn't real? I know that I hate this. I know that Simon must maintain a good picture of the pack. I know that the alpha's mother thinks I'm an eyesore. I know that...
No, I acctually have no idea what Scar wants, but I know it isn't me.
I can feel my mate coming before I hear his steps closing in. When he opens the door I'm standing in the middle of the room looking lost. He on the other hand looks like he wants to ask me what I'm doing, but instead he just sits down on the bed and gives me a look that's telling me to leave.
My courage almost fails me but I can't help but say it.
"I just needed some quiet, I'll leave" I explain. It's just a few words that mean very little, but embedded in those trivial words is a very, very careful request. His eyes soften somewhat at my explaination and he leans back on his arms but he still doesn't say anything. The grey eyes look at me like distant stars. I could never reach them.
For some reason I dare to touch him. I want to hold his hand and feel his kiss on my lips. I know it's my instincts talking but I rarely feel this way around him. Usually I'm too intimidated but today my scaredometre is off the charts so I turn brave. My frail hand reach for his broad arm.
I just want to touch him, to feel it, that little warmth you get from touching your mate. He lets me place my hand on his shoulder while following me closely with watchful eyes. It's like touching pure bliss. I feel my palm come alive against his body heat. My breath catches in my throat.
"Do you think we could ever..." I trail off. His bright eyes digs into me like when the sun is too bright and blinds you. His wide hand finds mine and covers it with warmth. My hand is engulfed in his embrace between his shoulder and palm.
A trail of something scarily warm starts to climb up my arm towards my chest. It's comforting and also the most exciting thing I've ever experienced. I can feel our hearts beat so closely that I don't know where mine ends and his start. We're too close and I'm nervous to do something wrong so I just stand there looking at his mixed expression.
"This is-" is all he has time to craw before a loud voice interrupts us outside the door.
"I'm just going to fetch the photo books from the library" Sarah's voice says to someone who hurries back downstairs. We both hold our breaths until her steps fade away. I look at him but it's like he has closed his face for me.
"Get off" he mumbles and wrings my hand off of him. I stagger back and he springs up from the bed and hurries out of the room. I feel his heat still in my hand and close my fist. The unfamiliar feeling of touching him makes my skin buzz with warmth and a soothing feeling flows through the veins in my hand and almost all the way to my heart.
But it's not enough to make me feel good about this. He stormed out of here beacuse he didn't want me to touch him.
But I'm not sure so I just curl up in my usual armchair and try to drown out my thoughts. But I can't silence that little voice inside me hoping. I can't control that painful yearning.
We all have that tiny little wish to be wanted.
YOU ARE READING
Scar
Manusia Serigala"Don't worry, I wouldn't touch you even if my life depended on it" he hisses angrily. I dare not move a single muscle, afraid that it will show how much the comment hurts. He tosses his bag onto the floor, making me flinch. With a growl he storms ou...
