Scar

Fourth piece of cake

As if there was something worth celebrating the pack eats and drinks until they start to forget that this ceremony was any strange. Or perhaps they drink to forget that. I stare at my alpha who is doing the rounds, charming everyone as he mingles. 

Sitting at my table, I devour my third piece of cake with a platter full of cold food at my side. Scar's mother, the current luna and my father sit at the table, completing the scene with grim silence. Sarah mumbles something to our mother in law every time someone looks at us funnily but the old lady just waves her off. 

My father asks me if I want a fourth piece of cake with a resignation one would have towards a wounded bird that you feed even though you know it will die. Sarah looks displeased at my father's question so I immideatly accept even though it doesn't even taste very good anymore. Dad rises.

The seat next to me is empty. I look around for Cassian. There is too much sweet wine in me for me to think twice about my actions. The heavy shoulders that seems cloaked by the dark are leaned against the wall in the far corner. I see him over where the lights dim and the passage to the kitchen starts. No one goes near him and I can tell from this far away that he's taking deep breaths to collect himself. 

It's so unfair. 

At this point I don't even know what I would like to change about us. It's unfair that he always gets to be angry. It's unfair that he always gets to leave and run off like he doesn't want to come back. It's unfair that he's mad at me as if I've made his life a living hell when he's the one at fault.

But I don't really care about all that. I just wanted him to care about me. 

As if he knows he has been away longer than socially accepteble he returns and slumps down without looking at me. I'm sure any normal couple would have kissed at this point but since we don't love each other my drunk ass doens't see the point. The two women at the table give us displeased looks and I almost want to tell them to kiss instead. 

I look away and dig my fork into the fresh piece of cake dad puts down in front of me. I notice Cassian's eyes darting to the creamy cake. I stab it with an angry sigh before shoving a big piece in my mouth. I earn a confused look from him but I avert my eyes. 

What does it matter now? Does he want to know how I feel, now, after ten years really? 

I don't think so, so before Cassian has the time to ruin the nice little picture me and Simon has painted with the pain of this wedding I stand up and yank him up. 

"We're leaving. Thank you for celebrating us. Please continue having a nice night" I call out over the ruccus. Simon stares at me like he never expected me to do anything like this on my own accord. I can feel Cassian collecting stress behind me. But I am done with caring about this now. 

The pack has quieted down a little and everyone stares, their eyes little needles that prick my skin. Still holding Cassian by his sleeve I lead him out of the big hall and towards the cars. Sam rushes out after us. 

"I'll drive you. Orders of the alpha" Sam informs us and rummages his pockets for a key. 

"If you value your life you go back in there and leave us alone" Cassian threatens him as if he hasn't got a single nicety left in him. Sam shoots me a bewildered look but I shake my head. Who cares. Cassian can bite Sam's head off, or drive us straight off a cliff for all I care. 

Sam goes back inside with his tail between his legs and Cassian opens the car door for me. This time there is no one watching. Or maybe there is. There must be for him to do something nice. I slide down into the seat, feeling mushy from all the wine. Before I realize I've fallen asleep. 

When I wake up we pull up at a big house I don't recognize. Snowy pines surround the building and it's so quiet I almost think I'm dead. Small lights are lit at the front door keeping the deep shadows from swallowing us. 

"It's my mother's old house" he tells me with a tone that seems almost run out of anger. There is a meek and worn out aura around him now. Numb as an icicle I follow him up the snowy steps and into the not surprisingly cold house. How fitting. 

When he closes the door behind him I realize that I've forgotten all of my things back at the alpha's mansion. What does it matter though?  My eyes trail like fingers over the foreign stuff on the shelves. It's all draped by soft shadows held back by nothing but the moon light. 

"I'll turn on the lights" Cassian says but I shake my head. 

"Don't bother." 

I drop my cloak and jacket over an arm chair. As the silence slips back over us we find ourselves unable to move forward. There is nothing more to say. I have no tears left to cry and no anger left to pour out over him. It's our wedding night. If we had any kind of feelings for each other we would be deep in lover's embrace by now. The reality is never as good as the fantasy. My reality sits very near my nightmares. 

I dreamt once about a night like this. Perhaps the night I would get my heat and we would be unable to resist the pull of the bond. I remember imagining him taring off my clothes and kissing me as if I was beautiful. 

It was a nightmare though, so when he realized it was me he was kissing he slapped me over the face and threw me on the floor. Then he kicked me and hurt me until I woke up. If I were to kiss him now I wonder what his reaction would be like. I bet it wouldn't be too far from that. 

My lips curl into a wierd smile again and feel the horribly sad laughter from this morning make it's way up my throat. Swallowing it I turn to my mate and look at him. His dark suit is illuminated by the moon light gushing in through the glass doors. A wary expression makes him look older than he is. I take a step towards him. 

"Cassian" I say softly. No loud words are need in this silence. 

"Yes?" 

I kick my shoes off. 

"Can you... give me some time alone?" I ask, not a wierd question for someone who is about to lay with their mate for the first time, but wierd for me to ask. We aren't going to have sex. Right?

"Ok" he agrees with a confused expression. He takes a breath as if to say something but swallows it and heads up the dark stairway. My gaze falls out through the glass doors. The snow is eaten by the shadows just a few feet away. 

Before I realize it I've slipped out the doors and into the dark night.